Tough Day

"My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called love
When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from
Some terrible lies"  - Fun.

From my favorite running song right now. 

7.5 got done today, my time was terrible, although mentally I was okay. My body just was not going to do what I wanted it to do today. I'm kind of proud of myself that the damn thing got done today, because I have had some challenges this week. Yesterday I was out for three hours in below freezing weather, watching the boy play football, and this whole weekend I've been dealing with nocturnal reflux, which has meant I haven't gotten any kind of good sleep and my chest is inflamed from it. I am going next week to the doc to have some fluid pulled from this band, so that will clear that up. I hope I'm not getting sick.

It's Habitual

"The great thing, then, in all education, is to make our nervous system our ally instead of our enemy. It is to fund and capitalize our acquisitions, and live at ease upon the interest of the fund. For this we must make automatic and habitual, as early as possible, as many useful actions as we can, and guard against the growing into ways that are likely to be disadvantageous to us, as we should guard against the plague." - William James

I saw this quote on a blog I read sometimes early this week and I've just been thinking about it all week. I even printed it up and put it on my desk at work. I kept thinking that there were some things in my life that I would just really REALLY like to become "automatic and habitual" and I made a list  of them. Then, I started thinking about all the things I have done in the last three or four years that have, in fact, become automatic and habitual.... healthy habits that I just didn't have before that now are just a given part of my existence, something I rarely give that much thought to and where exceptions to those habits are so rare as to be true exceptions and when those exceptions are over, I just go back to the good habit by default. Exercise was the biggest one that came to mind, but there are others. And I thought to myself that I rarely give myself very much credit for those things, so I made a list of those too.

Things that are now automatic and habitual that were not always:

- Exercise 
- Bringing my lunch to work
- Cooking dinner
- Eating said dinner at the table
- Drinking water, plain water, throughout the day and not much else

These positions are now my "default". Sure, exceptions come and go (for example, no exercise last weekend while I was drinking and partying it up at my 20 year high school reunion), but they are exceptions. I might purchase a burger for lunch from time to time, but it is the true exception to the rule of bringing my lunch to work every day.

So anyhoodle, my point is I was thinking about how I wish I could get some other behaviors to be my "default". Those would be:

- Not eating candy off desks at work
- Not getting Starbucks on weekdays/workdays
- Secret snacks
- No Vending machine snacks

These are behaviors (all basically surrounding the consumption of sugar when I am bored, stressed or any number of other "reasons") and I just wish that my "default" was to not do them. I wish I could just BE the person who doesn't eat candy off desks, or walk over to the Starbucks when a tedious task at work presents itself, or who doesn't get a milkshake while the boy is at taekwondo and I am conveniently alone by myself for a small amount of time with nothing to really do to occupy myself. I want my default to be that I DON'T do those things, and when I do them I want it to be the exception. And right now, those behaviors are not the exception, they are the rule. 

So, I was thinking this morning about how I managed to make the other things on the first list habitual and automatic and the answer is that I took it small bits at a time. I keep trying to make the eating sugar thing an all or nothing proposition, I keep trying to take on all of those behaviors at once, and that's not the way I found success with any of the other habits. Even water, which you would think would be something that you either just do or don't do, but you would be wrong. It started after my surgery, I gave up soda because I didn't want the carbonation causing issues. But I didn't want to drink just plain water, so I drank Crystal Light. I drank, like, two quarts of Crystal Light a day. Then, I decided I wanted to get a little less of that, so I started watering it down, so it was like half water and half crystal light. And then, about a year and a half ago, I thought I just wanted to stop doing Crystal Light, so I just started doing plain water, and now it is all I drink and I don't think about it much. So, even something like drinking water rather than soda or other drinks was something that was a gradual shift and I could tell a similar tale about all of those things on that first list. 

So, my thought is that I am going to try to take on one of these bad habits at a time, a "minimum standard" situation, just like I did with exercise. So, for the month of October, I am just going to focus on not getting snacks from vending machines and see how I feel about that at the end of the month. If I feel like it has become something I don't miss and don't think about doing anymore, then I'll move on to the next thing, but if it is still something I am struggling with, I'll keep at it for another month. 

These things take time, which is something I know well.

30:21

My time on my treadmill three today. Although I must say, it nearly killed me.

Changing Goals

6.5 done today. It was a good and joyful run. I focused really on just finishing the run doing the intervals I wanted to do (which I did, 5R/1W), I did not look at my Garmin, and my time was correspondingly disappointing (11:58/mile).

So, I get home and I'm telling Chris that it was a really nice run, but I just cannot seem to do much better than a 12 minute mile for those kind of distances, and I just don't think I am going to be able to do Vegas in 2:30:00 like I wanted to.

He commented that I just did not seem very excited about this race, not happy in my training, etc.

And I realized it is because I have just been focusing way too much on time. Half Marathons are supposed to be at least somewhat fun, and if they aren't, then why do them? Last week's long run was miserable. I ran hard, kind of hurt my foot, and all for 11:50/mi, STILL not the pace I wanted to hit and was miserable to boot.

So, I'm done with this 2:30:00 goal. I am hereby changing the goal! My only goal is to beat my previous time, even if it is only by one minute (hell, even if it is only by one second!). I want to run the race at 5R/1W intervals, and beat my former time. That's it, that is all. Oh, and I would prefer to have a bit of fun while doing it.

3.5

Did 3.5 outside, in about 43 minutes, although I didn't have my garmin so that time is very approximate. But the real news is I did 7R/1W intervals. This meant I had to run all the way up nemesis hill with no walk break.

But it's a weird thing lately. Running harder is coming more easily than I would have thought. I increase my intervals and it's just not that big of a deal. You just never can tell when your body is going to decide to make some leap forward, it doesn't seem to have very much rhyme or reason. I thought it was going to be much harder after so much treadmill running this summer, but it really hasn't been. Which just goes to show you that treadmill running = still running, and will still keep you at a decent fitness level, even if you aren't working as hard as you might, so then when you are ready to really hit it, it's not so hard. The other thing I have noticed is that hills aren't as big a darn deal as they used to be... I used to plan runs around hills (how many, how steep, etc.) and now I just find myself not thinking about them too much.

Anyway, after having a few brief but glorious minutes thinking I had a free evening after football practice got cancelled due to rain, my daughter reminded me that now I can go to her forensics team parent meeting, which I was previously going to have to miss because of football. So, off I go to finish the second shift, which these days never seems to end.

This Ain't Some Bullshit

that was my response to chris yesterday when he commented that he wished he had my motivation. i also added that this is life or death and i meant it. it's the difference between me watching my grandkids graduate from high school or spending twelve hours a week in some goddamn dialysis chair.

at any rate, 5.5 miles today at 5r/1w intervals, 11:40/mile. a good run.

Hitting the Trail

Did five miles on the trail today. It started out bad, but ended up well enough. I did 4R/1W intervals, and time was 11:57/mile. So, I think I have this right, if I can just get myself up to 5R/1W for the Vegas half, I should be able to get it done in 2.5 hours, or come pretty darn close.

In other news, yesterday I ran three miles on the treadmill. Ordinarily, this would not merit mention, BUT..... I did it in 30:25. Word.