A Very Frustrating Weekend

I am supposed to get a colonoscopy today. It would be my fifth. It's too stupid and boring to get into, but the short story is I am supposed to get these every five years. But the only time anything has ever been found was during the first one, which was nearly fifteen years ago. So, going through these four times with two different gastroenterologists, I know that there are two different ways to "prep". You'll have some docs who will just make you drink two to four cups of an over the counter preparation you can buy at any walgreens and only do clear liquids for one day. You'll have others who will insist that the only good way to prep is to get a prescription for the prep and drink a GALLON of this stuff over the course of a few hours and do clear liquids for one day.

Well, this doc, whoever it is (I haven't actually seen her, the colonoscopy got ordered by a different doc, got scheduled and I got prep instructions, but would not actually meet her until today) is with Kaiser and has the most restrictive prep instructions I have ever seen. I had to go an entire day and a half with clear liquids only (I had to go the whole day before and my appointment was not until 1:30 for the actual procedure, typically they tell you that you can eat a light breakfast the day before, clear liquids the rest of the day and then your appointment is first thing the next morning), and drink the whole gallon of stuff.

I just couldn't do it. I did fine with the clear liquids, so I didn't eat all day yesterday, but I just could not drink the stuff. I only got through 3 cups.

So, this morning I know the prep was not good enough, so I am going to go ahead and cancel the procedure. I am going to tell them that if they can't let me do the prep the "easier" way, then I just can't do the colonoscopy. I'm a person who can't even drink Alka Seltzer or anything of that sort, it makes me throw up, so to ask me to drink a gallon of what amounts to salt water, is to ask me to spend a day starving followed by a period of three hours of vomiting while I try to choke the stuff down. I just won't do it. I have done it the easier way once before (my first gastroenterologist was of the "gallon" variety and she told me that there weren't any other options, but now I know better) and I can get through that... I can choke down two to four cups, I just can't do the gallon.

So, now having taken the day off, and asking Chris to take the day off, I am left just being home and feeling vaguely guilty. But I did tell Chris in plenty of time that I was going to cancel the appointment and he could go to work if he wanted.

The thing is, I know I should do it. I really do. But I am mad at myself for not realizing that I just was not going to be in a place where I could manage the torture of the prep and I should have cancelled the stupid thing last week. But I kept telling myself I could do it, that I needed to do it and that I just needed to tough it out.

I guess I am just not that tough!

A Good Couple of Days

Days when my thinking is clear. Days when I realize what works for me and I do it. Days when I recognize what a good day even IS. Days when I can stop for gas on the way home from work (always a dangerous proposition) and give myself complete permission to buy the stupid junk food crap if I want to... and realizing that I don't want to. Understanding that it will not taste good, will not feel good and I will regret it. And then not doing it. Days when I can stop at the Wal Mart after work (an even MORE dangerous proposition!) and get nothing but the pill organizer I came for and some sugar free breath mints.

Days when I recognize that it is the small things that make the difference and that pile up. Getting the dilly bar instead of the blizzard (200 cals vs. at least 400 cals). Good days lead to more good days. Small good decisions lead to more small good decisions. And days when I recognize that this is the way I will get back to the weight that I feel good at.

Still 201.6

"Food can be that conduit to memories, as long as we understand it is like Brylcreem: “A little dab will do ya.” Take the meaning and savor a bite. Leave the rest of the calories behind." - Lynn's Weigh

I've been looking around for more weight loss and maintenance blogs, since it is just always so helpful for me to read other people's thoughts, and some of the best wisdom I have ever found has come not from expensive books or personal trainers, but from regular people, blogging their journey.

I'm OK, You're OK

My weight this morning was 201.6. How I hate typing that out! The struggle continues, but I am trying to be good to myself, reading lots of positive and encouraging blogs, doing positive affirmations and continuing to experiment, trying to find the thing that is going to work well for me right now. I know I am doing the best I can at any given moment (that's my favorite affirmation!) and that ultimately I am just fine, regardless of the fact that the scale is ten numbers higher than I wish it to be.

But the reason I decided to write is because yesterday I had a good day. I skipped lunch, which I have been toying around with as a strategy. My lap band is restrictive enough that it prevents me from doing too much real damage at dinner, so the binge monster is kept in check. What is killing me right now is the snack attack, and skipping lunch allows me to off-set the stupid calories (by which I mean, the mini twix eaten at the reception desk while putting something in the out-going mail box, the sugar cookie given specifically to me by a co-worker because she knows I like them, the handful of goldfish crackers grabbed to tide me over while cooking dinner after I get home, etc. etc.) which I figure I am going to do no matter what, so I might as well try something different to make it all work.

Another big win last night was I had to make a trip to Target to get a couple of small Valentine treats for the kids (as much as I hate this "holiday", I can't help but give them a little something, it is what my mom always did for us) so I really wanted to stop for a milkshake and get some truffles, I felt myself starting to plan it all out.... but then I didn't. I got a small snack size bag of those little candy eggs I really like, and that was it. And I was happy with that.

My Winter of Disappointment

This is what we've dubbed this winter in our house. Several things have gone on in our household that can only be described by that word. They aren't life changing, they aren't THAT terrible, just.... disappointing.

Back in October when my training ramped up for Vegas, my lap band slipped again. I had some of the fluid pulled, everything was fine again, but since I had Phoenix already planned six weeks after Vegas, my doctor and I agreed that I would just come back after the Phoenix race for another fill. This meant that I spent three months with no restriction, and a whole bunch of holidays. Weight gain ensued. And I mean significant weight gain! Fifteen damn pounds! In three months!

So I've spent the last few weeks in particular feeling just terrible about the weight gain, which of course makes the whole thing worse because what works better to make you feel a little less upset about most anything in life? Ain't nothing better for that job than ice cream, amiright?

Anyway, so Chris and I had this theory about why my band kept slipping when I run a lot, and it involved the possibility of pushing my insurance company to deem skin removal a medical necessity. I was all geared up for this plan, and very convinced I was right, and went to my doc yesterday to discuss the possibility (and also to get this damn band filled!).

She threw cold water all over it, and I agree with her. She explained why it was very unlikely that what I was thinking about was the actual culprit (her explanation of what the culprit actually is boils down to "for some people this happens"), and it made sense to me.  Still, very disappointing.  I wasn't all THAT sold on skin removal or tummy tuck in any case (although I was willing to have it if it meant I could run all I wanted without my band slipping, but apparently it doesn't mean that), I didn't really want to have surgery and go through all that pain.

So, I am back to square one. But at least now I have my good restriction back with the band. I thought about it all day yesterday, and decided that while I can't keep doing two or three half marathons a year (and for god's sake, do I really WANT that??), there is really no reason why I can't do one a year. So, that is my plan. I will do one half marathon a year and the rest of the time just focus on general fitness, other goals, feeling good in my workouts and not putting so much damn pressure on myself because that really isn't helping with anything. So, my half for 2013 is already done, I did it on Sunday. I am thinking that next year I might decide to do the Colfax again, I really enjoyed that one. And if I am only doing one a year, that means I am only going through this unfill/gain weight/fill nightmare once a year. I can live with that.  And it truthfully doesn't even mean I can't still do destination runs, which is part of what makes the whole thing so fun for me. In Phoenix this year, they had this mini-marathon option. I could do stuff like that. I can do the 5K and probably even the 10K without any issues (it's always when my long runs get above six miles that I start having issues with the band).  So I'll try to keep that in mind. I actually remember it being quite fun to be the "cheering section" for my sisters when I went to Orange County with them and I walked the 5K while they did the half and the full marathon. I can totally be the cheering section for my sisters and/or girlfriends!

I would also like to focus on my weight. I hate doing that too much (although I certainly want to get back down to what I consider to be my "good weight" as quickly as possible after this three months of nightmarish eating). Maybe I could get below the "good weight" even. Truthfully, running very long distances doesn't help with that, despite what anyone would like to believe. I actually would stand before God and say that running that much only makes it more likely that you'll GAIN weight, but I know the matter is a topic of much controversy. But my experience has been that it certainly doesn't help me LOSE any weight.

Anyway, here's hoping the Winter of Disappointment turns around soon!

New Years at the Gym

I did nine miles yesterday. So, I really need a rest day today, which leaves me in a quandary because that means I either have to take two rest days in a row or go to the stupid gym on new years day, a prospect that I loathe. It is not going to get above twenty degrees here and will likely snow tomorrow, so going outside is really not a great option.

The nine miles was slow, but it got done.

Busy, but Running

Did seven miles last weekend, and eight today. They were really good runs, some of the best runs I've had in quite some time. But it's slow. I've gained some weight, and am doing about 13 minute miles. It's all good, I'm feeling good and hoping Phoenix is going to be fun.

Today I put my Ipod on "All Songs" rather than my standard running playlist and made a resolution to not touch it for the whole run; no skipping songs! Which resulted in me running to everything from Bing Crosby (I have all my Christmas music on there right now) to Counting Crows and some god awful Christmas song called "Special Gift" which I didn't even know I owned, and that song was towards the end of the run too, so I felt like a real hero for not skipping it.

Now I'm off to wrap presents, Chris took the kids to see "The Hobbit" so I have about three hours to get it all done.

God, people are helpful!

For the life of me I cannot find the post where I wrote about the lady at work that I run into sometimes at the gym and back a couple of years ago she says to me out of the blue while we are in the locker room "are you one of the weight watchers people?". I think it must be posted on my very old blog, and I haven't gotten those archives up anywhere.

Anyhoodle, so you'll just have to take my word for it that is what happened. I wrote about it at the time in the context of my body as a larger person is always assumed to be of public interest, and anyone and everyone feels free to comment on what I am putting in it, on it or through it, all in the name of being "helpful" or "encouraging", of course.

Anyway, so it was really rude and this person has since always been sort of on my shit list. I now know more about her than I previously did (previously I only knew that she worked for my same company but on a different floor and she went to the gym sometimes and walks on the treadmill at a precipitous incline and proceeds to make these little coughing noises that drive me insane). For example I now know her name and that she is the admin assistant to someone on our floor. I now work on the same floor as her. BUT, what we continue to NOT BE is friends. We have had some chit chat, and all of it has confirmed my basic low opinion of her.

So, earlier this week I was up at the front desk chatting with the front desk admin (who I like) and eating the candy she keeps up there. And this idiot comes along and we are all just sort of chit chatting. Then, the following exchange occurred:

Her: I've been meaning to talk to you.

Me: Oh?

Her: Yes, do you have asthma or anything like that?

Me: Um, no.

Her: Hm, well, you are really breathing too heavy when you run.

Me: Oh?

Her: Yes, I used to run and you shouldn't be breathing faster than you are running.

Front Desk Admin: (makes some kind of comment trying to mitigate the obvious rudeness of the situation)

Her (to the Front Desk Admin): No, really, she does! I'm on the treadmill right next to her!

Me: I usually don't pay much attention to my breathing, I just go.

Her: Well, the other thing is that, do you run flat?

Me: Sometimes.

Her: Well, if you just walked at incline you would burn a lot more calories.

At that point, I left. I feel good in that I can now just understand that this is clearly one incredibly rude individual and not make a universal issue out of it, but still, my god. The rudeness of people never ceases to amaze me. So, the next day there was this whole group of people up at the front desk (eating candy) and I join them for a moment, and the front desk gal made some comment about "make sure you aren't breathing too hard" or something like that, making a joke, and the other people wanted to know what happened (rude lady herself was not in the group) and I said "I was told yesterday that I was too heavy to be running" and the front desk gal was all "oh, no I'm sure that's not what she meant" and I was all "whatever, okay, I was told I am breathing too hard when I am running". So, now I am sure it is going to get all over the stupid office that this lady was rude to me and that I called out her rudeness to others (being too stunned to really call it out at the time it happened), and I'm fully expecting yet another stupid conversation with her where she will expound upon how NOT rude she was being and how she was just trying to HELP me.

Whereupon someone is getting hurt.

As for Vegas, there really wasn't much worth writing about. It wasn't a bad experience, but it wasn't terrific either and my time, while nothing to be ashamed of, was nothing to brag about either. The things that make that Vegas run so fun are also the same things that I don't like about Vegas, which is pretty much everything. But it's fun to run that strip at night. So, maybe I'll do it again, maybe not.

And now I have to start training for Phoenix. To that end, today I did six miles, but had to do it on the treadmill (at .5% incline) at the gym, since the high here today is only supposed to be 20 degrees and there is all kinds of snow and ice on the sidewalks. No good for running. Which made me remember why I haven't done the stupid Phoenix half since 2010, it's really hard to train for it when you live somewhere where it snows. So maybe I'll end up with lots of training on the treadmill, I don't know.

3.1

Did my usual 5K route around my neighborhood last night, in an attempt to get "really" ready for this half.  Chris was talking about how I just don't seem that excited about it, but the truth is my feelings about it swing back and forth a lot. I am making a trip by myself to Vegas (which I can't decide if that makes me the coolest person ever or just a big loser) to run a race by myself. When I booked the whole thing I gambled that surely someone in my small circle of running friends would decide to join me, but I was wrong. The point being, I've never done this before, and so I'm not sure how I'll like it. I might decide it is the best thing I have ever done and proceed to do it every year, but I might decide I hate it and I'll never do it again. Hence, the not seeming too excited. Well, there's that and plus my training hasn't gone particularly well for this race, so I'm not counting on getting a great race time.

But regardless of any internal hemming and hawing, the race is going to happen, I am in fact going to run 13.1 miles tomorrow night. Hopefully I will have some fun while doing it, I think I will.

Desperation Breeds Creativity

The plan was to drop my mom at the airport and go directly to the park to do my final 11 mile long run. All went according to plan until I went to put my gear on and discovered that although I thought I had my interval timer, I did not.

On the walk to the port-a-potty I mulled my options. I remembered that my garmin will do intervals, but also remembered that the reason I have not used this function in all the time I have had it is because it beeps to time the intervals. I prefer my timer because it vibrates, allowing me to listen to my ipod as loudly as I wish and still time my intervals.

So, I figured out how to do this on my garmin and figured I would try it out and see what happened. It did beep and it was really low, there was no way I would hear it with my ipod on. But then it occurred to me that I could just put one of my earbuds in, leaving the ear closest to the garmin uncovered, thus allowing me to both time my intervals and listen to my music, although softer than I usually would.

This worked for the whole 11 miles, which was slow. I am blaming the slow on how soft the music was.

Final Push

So, last week was just a terrible running week. I only went once, before going out for a ten mile run on Saturday which was so awful I couldn't even bear to write about it.

This week has been better. I've gone every day except Wednesday, which was a scheduled rest day. I'm taking my second rest day tomorrow (an unprecedented Saturday rest day!) and I'll get my last long training run of 11 miles in on Sunday, after dropping my mom at the airport. It will be early and cold, but at least it will be flat.

9

"I have to go run nine miles now. It has started snowing here and I forgot my ipod, so it is shaping up to be the worst run ever." - text I sent my sister before setting off to run 9 miles at City Park.

I had indeed forgotten my Ipod and it was snowing. It snowed for the first six miles of the run, and was pretty damn cold for all of it! I wore two pairs of pants, two tops and my green stripey hat (which thank god I had, thanks Sandy!). I was thinking that I would be the only crazy one out there running in that weather, but I was far from it. There was a 10K going on at the park, as well as numerous runners, some of them in shorts, just going out for their daily runs. At first I was amazed, but then I realized this is Denver, and it is training season. I have yet to see a little crappy snow keep anyone from exercising here.

Which made me think about how much moving here has done for my running and I pondered where my running would be if we didn't live here. (I pondered many things, since I didn't have my Ipod.) Culture is huge, and moving here from where I was, it has always been downright striking to me how much exercise is encouraged in the culture here. Everyone does something. They walk, they run, they ride bikes. The city and suburbs are set up to encourage this, there are very few places that do not have safe sidewalks and bike lanes and many places have other open space with hiking trails that are maintained.

Anyway, three weeks to Vegas! I don't think it is going to be my greatest race, but I'm looking forward to it all the same.

Words With Wall Street

After running 8 miles on Saturday, Sunday was determined to be an easy day at the gym. I haven't made many appearances there lately, mainly due to some setbacks with running and the need to train for the Vegas half outside. So anyways, I get to the gym and wall street guy smiles at me, and I smile back. He goes "I haven't seen you lately!" and I go "oh, well I'm training for my next half marathon, so spending a lot of time running outside." And he goes "oh my god, you are unbelieveable! I have no excuse.."* and we both laughed and I moved on to my elliptical. Where, even though I had planned to do only three easy miles, I did four instead. Because I'm unbelievable.

Today while doing my 3.1 outside in the crisp 32 degree weather, I saw a deer. He ran up nemesis hill on the other side of the street (he beat me, in case you are wondering), and then went up the hill and disappeared. It was nice, although I spent a few worried moments thinking he was going to run into the road and get clobbered by some poor commuter. 

I'm due for a rest day, but since I am leaving for Texas for a work thing for the next three days, I am trying to be more pro-active since when I get together with my peers, debauchery always seems to ensue, which interferes with my running. So I went this morning in an effort to ensure  that the debauchery (and the election coverage, which I will surely stay up until 2AM watching if I can manage it) won't totally ruin my week. Wish me luck on that.

*I was thinking about this on this morning's jog, because it is not unusual for me to get rather defensive or bitchy when people talk to me at the gym, but this incident made me realize that I just know good and well the difference between genuine admiration and camaraderie (which is what was being expressed by wall street guy) and amused condescension, disbelieving chit chat, or "let's all admire the fat girl exercising" talk making me their teachable moment, which is what passes for much other gym conversation I have, which is what leads to the defensiveness. So, I am hereby ditching any self doubt about other people's motivations or being hard on myself for being bitchy or defensive. I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE and when people are being nice to me, I am in return perfectly nice and pleasant to them.

A Few Triumphs

I had to travel for two days for work recently. I did not run (even though I had packed my stuff and had every intention of doing so) and instead stayed up late drinking with co-workers. My food was prepared for me for the entire two days and I had extremely limited choices. As frustrating as that was, I have been thinking today that I really have had some triumphant things go on recently, so I thought I would share.

1. On Wednesday night, the dinner that was provided was pizza, yucky looking salad, appetizers of fried chicken fingers and mozarella sticks. None of it was food that I would eat at home by choice and none of it looked good. I had eaten heartily of the lunch fajitas (and cookies), so I just decided I would skip the dinner food. And honestly, it felt very healthy. I did not want what was being served, I was not all that hungry and I knew I would regret eating any of it, so I didn't. Nobody really said anything other than one person and I simply replied that I didn't want pizza. Thinking about it today, it was just really a healthy moment in my relationship with food, it really was! There was no "oooh, I really want that, but that would be bad bad bad", nor was there any "wow, how great am I that I am surrounded by people eating pizza, but I am being good and not eating pizza", there was none of it! There was only me, Marianne, taking care of my own needs and not eating food I did not want.

2. This morning, getting dressed, I was struck by the fact that everything in my closet are things that I have been able to wear for two years or more. This means that I have been at roughly the same weight for a LONG time! This is a huge win for me. Even though certainly I would like for those sizes to be even smaller than they are, the fact that I have sweaters that I am now pulling out for the third consecutive Winter and they still fit.... well, that is nothing but a good thing, and frankly something that I have never really experienced before in my life. I like it!

3. Today, after getting back from traveling, my body is telling me things. It wants to run. It wants to eat healthy food prepared at home and not that much of it. It wants to recover from two days of crappy food and some deliberate debauchery. And the triumph is..... I'm listening.

On Listening

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight
Clenched shut jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and they burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold,
But there's nothing to grasp so I let go

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when it can't get worse, I've had a shit day 
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.

Pink




You know you are having a good run when you are more focused on the latest trauma inflicted by and on your family than on how miserable you are. Today was a good run. I am behind my training schedule now, so I did six miles and I did them at 3R/1W.

The thing is, I was comfortable. This pace is comfortable and I can't shake the feeling that over the past weeks my body is plainly and simply telling me that I was pushing too hard. I have little choice but to listen to it. I may never go much faster than a 12 minute mile, and that just has to be okay. And it is okay.

The point is to keep on keeping on, right? Right.

3.1

For the first time this week, got out and ran. It was awful. I am still really sick and now I am going to be really late to work since I have to spend an hour coughing and I really didn't build that into my schedule in advance.

Sick Sick Sick

Well, I started off the week throwing up uncontrollably (band problems went from bad over the weekend to worse on Monday, to catastrophic on Tuesday, when I was finally able to get in to the doc) at the beginning of the week and am now rounding it out with a nice cold complete with a throat so sore it feels like it is on fire and some real good chest congestion starting to set in..... nice!

So, I've had just a really bad two weeks with running. I've been going, but it's been kind of terrible. I decided I am not going to do my long run this week. I have a theory that it is actually good for you to exercise through a cold (as long as you are sure it is just a common cold and not some horrible bronchitis or something), but keeping up with your exercise is not the same thing as putting your body through the stress of an eight mile run. I tend to think that would just make everything worse, and I would really like to get better and not waste any more time.

I did go today, 3.1 miles but I took it very easy, 3R/1W (now officially my "easy"), and 12:19/mile.

Tough Day

"My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called love
When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from
Some terrible lies"  - Fun.

From my favorite running song right now. 

7.5 got done today, my time was terrible, although mentally I was okay. My body just was not going to do what I wanted it to do today. I'm kind of proud of myself that the damn thing got done today, because I have had some challenges this week. Yesterday I was out for three hours in below freezing weather, watching the boy play football, and this whole weekend I've been dealing with nocturnal reflux, which has meant I haven't gotten any kind of good sleep and my chest is inflamed from it. I am going next week to the doc to have some fluid pulled from this band, so that will clear that up. I hope I'm not getting sick.

It's Habitual

"The great thing, then, in all education, is to make our nervous system our ally instead of our enemy. It is to fund and capitalize our acquisitions, and live at ease upon the interest of the fund. For this we must make automatic and habitual, as early as possible, as many useful actions as we can, and guard against the growing into ways that are likely to be disadvantageous to us, as we should guard against the plague." - William James

I saw this quote on a blog I read sometimes early this week and I've just been thinking about it all week. I even printed it up and put it on my desk at work. I kept thinking that there were some things in my life that I would just really REALLY like to become "automatic and habitual" and I made a list  of them. Then, I started thinking about all the things I have done in the last three or four years that have, in fact, become automatic and habitual.... healthy habits that I just didn't have before that now are just a given part of my existence, something I rarely give that much thought to and where exceptions to those habits are so rare as to be true exceptions and when those exceptions are over, I just go back to the good habit by default. Exercise was the biggest one that came to mind, but there are others. And I thought to myself that I rarely give myself very much credit for those things, so I made a list of those too.

Things that are now automatic and habitual that were not always:

- Exercise 
- Bringing my lunch to work
- Cooking dinner
- Eating said dinner at the table
- Drinking water, plain water, throughout the day and not much else

These positions are now my "default". Sure, exceptions come and go (for example, no exercise last weekend while I was drinking and partying it up at my 20 year high school reunion), but they are exceptions. I might purchase a burger for lunch from time to time, but it is the true exception to the rule of bringing my lunch to work every day.

So anyhoodle, my point is I was thinking about how I wish I could get some other behaviors to be my "default". Those would be:

- Not eating candy off desks at work
- Not getting Starbucks on weekdays/workdays
- Secret snacks
- No Vending machine snacks

These are behaviors (all basically surrounding the consumption of sugar when I am bored, stressed or any number of other "reasons") and I just wish that my "default" was to not do them. I wish I could just BE the person who doesn't eat candy off desks, or walk over to the Starbucks when a tedious task at work presents itself, or who doesn't get a milkshake while the boy is at taekwondo and I am conveniently alone by myself for a small amount of time with nothing to really do to occupy myself. I want my default to be that I DON'T do those things, and when I do them I want it to be the exception. And right now, those behaviors are not the exception, they are the rule. 

So, I was thinking this morning about how I managed to make the other things on the first list habitual and automatic and the answer is that I took it small bits at a time. I keep trying to make the eating sugar thing an all or nothing proposition, I keep trying to take on all of those behaviors at once, and that's not the way I found success with any of the other habits. Even water, which you would think would be something that you either just do or don't do, but you would be wrong. It started after my surgery, I gave up soda because I didn't want the carbonation causing issues. But I didn't want to drink just plain water, so I drank Crystal Light. I drank, like, two quarts of Crystal Light a day. Then, I decided I wanted to get a little less of that, so I started watering it down, so it was like half water and half crystal light. And then, about a year and a half ago, I thought I just wanted to stop doing Crystal Light, so I just started doing plain water, and now it is all I drink and I don't think about it much. So, even something like drinking water rather than soda or other drinks was something that was a gradual shift and I could tell a similar tale about all of those things on that first list. 

So, my thought is that I am going to try to take on one of these bad habits at a time, a "minimum standard" situation, just like I did with exercise. So, for the month of October, I am just going to focus on not getting snacks from vending machines and see how I feel about that at the end of the month. If I feel like it has become something I don't miss and don't think about doing anymore, then I'll move on to the next thing, but if it is still something I am struggling with, I'll keep at it for another month. 

These things take time, which is something I know well.

30:21

My time on my treadmill three today. Although I must say, it nearly killed me.