I had to travel for two days for work recently. I did not run (even though I had packed my stuff and had every intention of doing so) and instead stayed up late drinking with co-workers. My food was prepared for me for the entire two days and I had extremely limited choices. As frustrating as that was, I have been thinking today that I really have had some triumphant things go on recently, so I thought I would share.
1. On Wednesday night, the dinner that was provided was pizza, yucky looking salad, appetizers of fried chicken fingers and mozarella sticks. None of it was food that I would eat at home by choice and none of it looked good. I had eaten heartily of the lunch fajitas (and cookies), so I just decided I would skip the dinner food. And honestly, it felt very healthy. I did not want what was being served, I was not all that hungry and I knew I would regret eating any of it, so I didn't. Nobody really said anything other than one person and I simply replied that I didn't want pizza. Thinking about it today, it was just really a healthy moment in my relationship with food, it really was! There was no "oooh, I really want that, but that would be bad bad bad", nor was there any "wow, how great am I that I am surrounded by people eating pizza, but I am being good and not eating pizza", there was none of it! There was only me, Marianne, taking care of my own needs and not eating food I did not want.
2. This morning, getting dressed, I was struck by the fact that everything in my closet are things that I have been able to wear for two years or more. This means that I have been at roughly the same weight for a LONG time! This is a huge win for me. Even though certainly I would like for those sizes to be even smaller than they are, the fact that I have sweaters that I am now pulling out for the third consecutive Winter and they still fit.... well, that is nothing but a good thing, and frankly something that I have never really experienced before in my life. I like it!
3. Today, after getting back from traveling, my body is telling me things. It wants to run. It wants to eat healthy food prepared at home and not that much of it. It wants to recover from two days of crappy food and some deliberate debauchery. And the triumph is..... I'm listening.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
On Listening
White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight
Clenched shut jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and they burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold,
But there's nothing to grasp so I let go
I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)
Just when it can't get worse, I've had a shit day
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.
Pink
You know you are having a good run when you are more focused on the latest trauma inflicted by and on your family than on how miserable you are. Today was a good run. I am behind my training schedule now, so I did six miles and I did them at 3R/1W.
The thing is, I was comfortable. This pace is comfortable and I can't shake the feeling that over the past weeks my body is plainly and simply telling me that I was pushing too hard. I have little choice but to listen to it. I may never go much faster than a 12 minute mile, and that just has to be okay. And it is okay.
The point is to keep on keeping on, right? Right.
Clenched shut jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and they burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold,
But there's nothing to grasp so I let go
I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)
Just when it can't get worse, I've had a shit day
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.
Pink
You know you are having a good run when you are more focused on the latest trauma inflicted by and on your family than on how miserable you are. Today was a good run. I am behind my training schedule now, so I did six miles and I did them at 3R/1W.
The thing is, I was comfortable. This pace is comfortable and I can't shake the feeling that over the past weeks my body is plainly and simply telling me that I was pushing too hard. I have little choice but to listen to it. I may never go much faster than a 12 minute mile, and that just has to be okay. And it is okay.
The point is to keep on keeping on, right? Right.
Friday, October 19, 2012
3.1
For the first time this week, got out and ran. It was awful. I am still really sick and now I am going to be really late to work since I have to spend an hour coughing and I really didn't build that into my schedule in advance.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Sick Sick Sick
Well, I started off the week throwing up uncontrollably (band problems went from bad over the weekend to worse on Monday, to catastrophic on Tuesday, when I was finally able to get in to the doc) at the beginning of the week and am now rounding it out with a nice cold complete with a throat so sore it feels like it is on fire and some real good chest congestion starting to set in..... nice!
So, I've had just a really bad two weeks with running. I've been going, but it's been kind of terrible. I decided I am not going to do my long run this week. I have a theory that it is actually good for you to exercise through a cold (as long as you are sure it is just a common cold and not some horrible bronchitis or something), but keeping up with your exercise is not the same thing as putting your body through the stress of an eight mile run. I tend to think that would just make everything worse, and I would really like to get better and not waste any more time.
I did go today, 3.1 miles but I took it very easy, 3R/1W (now officially my "easy"), and 12:19/mile.
So, I've had just a really bad two weeks with running. I've been going, but it's been kind of terrible. I decided I am not going to do my long run this week. I have a theory that it is actually good for you to exercise through a cold (as long as you are sure it is just a common cold and not some horrible bronchitis or something), but keeping up with your exercise is not the same thing as putting your body through the stress of an eight mile run. I tend to think that would just make everything worse, and I would really like to get better and not waste any more time.
I did go today, 3.1 miles but I took it very easy, 3R/1W (now officially my "easy"), and 12:19/mile.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Tough Day
"My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called love
When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from
Some terrible lies" - Fun.
From my favorite running song right now.
7.5 got done today, my time was terrible, although mentally I was okay. My body just was not going to do what I wanted it to do today. I'm kind of proud of myself that the damn thing got done today, because I have had some challenges this week. Yesterday I was out for three hours in below freezing weather, watching the boy play football, and this whole weekend I've been dealing with nocturnal reflux, which has meant I haven't gotten any kind of good sleep and my chest is inflamed from it. I am going next week to the doc to have some fluid pulled from this band, so that will clear that up. I hope I'm not getting sick.
When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from
Some terrible lies" - Fun.
From my favorite running song right now.
7.5 got done today, my time was terrible, although mentally I was okay. My body just was not going to do what I wanted it to do today. I'm kind of proud of myself that the damn thing got done today, because I have had some challenges this week. Yesterday I was out for three hours in below freezing weather, watching the boy play football, and this whole weekend I've been dealing with nocturnal reflux, which has meant I haven't gotten any kind of good sleep and my chest is inflamed from it. I am going next week to the doc to have some fluid pulled from this band, so that will clear that up. I hope I'm not getting sick.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
It's Habitual
"The great thing, then, in all education, is to make our nervous system our ally instead of our enemy. It is to fund and capitalize our acquisitions, and live at ease upon the interest of the fund. For this we must make automatic and habitual, as early as possible, as many useful actions as we can, and guard against the growing into ways that are likely to be disadvantageous to us, as we should guard against the plague." - William James
I saw this quote on a blog I read sometimes early this week and I've just been thinking about it all week. I even printed it up and put it on my desk at work. I kept thinking that there were some things in my life that I would just really REALLY like to become "automatic and habitual" and I made a list of them. Then, I started thinking about all the things I have done in the last three or four years that have, in fact, become automatic and habitual.... healthy habits that I just didn't have before that now are just a given part of my existence, something I rarely give that much thought to and where exceptions to those habits are so rare as to be true exceptions and when those exceptions are over, I just go back to the good habit by default. Exercise was the biggest one that came to mind, but there are others. And I thought to myself that I rarely give myself very much credit for those things, so I made a list of those too.
Things that are now automatic and habitual that were not always:
- Exercise
- Bringing my lunch to work
- Cooking dinner
- Eating said dinner at the table
- Drinking water, plain water, throughout the day and not much else
These positions are now my "default". Sure, exceptions come and go (for example, no exercise last weekend while I was drinking and partying it up at my 20 year high school reunion), but they are exceptions. I might purchase a burger for lunch from time to time, but it is the true exception to the rule of bringing my lunch to work every day.
So anyhoodle, my point is I was thinking about how I wish I could get some other behaviors to be my "default". Those would be:
- Not eating candy off desks at work
- Not getting Starbucks on weekdays/workdays
- Secret snacks
- No Vending machine snacks
These are behaviors (all basically surrounding the consumption of sugar when I am bored, stressed or any number of other "reasons") and I just wish that my "default" was to not do them. I wish I could just BE the person who doesn't eat candy off desks, or walk over to the Starbucks when a tedious task at work presents itself, or who doesn't get a milkshake while the boy is at taekwondo and I am conveniently alone by myself for a small amount of time with nothing to really do to occupy myself. I want my default to be that I DON'T do those things, and when I do them I want it to be the exception. And right now, those behaviors are not the exception, they are the rule.
So, I was thinking this morning about how I managed to make the other things on the first list habitual and automatic and the answer is that I took it small bits at a time. I keep trying to make the eating sugar thing an all or nothing proposition, I keep trying to take on all of those behaviors at once, and that's not the way I found success with any of the other habits. Even water, which you would think would be something that you either just do or don't do, but you would be wrong. It started after my surgery, I gave up soda because I didn't want the carbonation causing issues. But I didn't want to drink just plain water, so I drank Crystal Light. I drank, like, two quarts of Crystal Light a day. Then, I decided I wanted to get a little less of that, so I started watering it down, so it was like half water and half crystal light. And then, about a year and a half ago, I thought I just wanted to stop doing Crystal Light, so I just started doing plain water, and now it is all I drink and I don't think about it much. So, even something like drinking water rather than soda or other drinks was something that was a gradual shift and I could tell a similar tale about all of those things on that first list.
So, my thought is that I am going to try to take on one of these bad habits at a time, a "minimum standard" situation, just like I did with exercise. So, for the month of October, I am just going to focus on not getting snacks from vending machines and see how I feel about that at the end of the month. If I feel like it has become something I don't miss and don't think about doing anymore, then I'll move on to the next thing, but if it is still something I am struggling with, I'll keep at it for another month.
These things take time, which is something I know well.
I saw this quote on a blog I read sometimes early this week and I've just been thinking about it all week. I even printed it up and put it on my desk at work. I kept thinking that there were some things in my life that I would just really REALLY like to become "automatic and habitual" and I made a list of them. Then, I started thinking about all the things I have done in the last three or four years that have, in fact, become automatic and habitual.... healthy habits that I just didn't have before that now are just a given part of my existence, something I rarely give that much thought to and where exceptions to those habits are so rare as to be true exceptions and when those exceptions are over, I just go back to the good habit by default. Exercise was the biggest one that came to mind, but there are others. And I thought to myself that I rarely give myself very much credit for those things, so I made a list of those too.
Things that are now automatic and habitual that were not always:
- Exercise
- Bringing my lunch to work
- Cooking dinner
- Eating said dinner at the table
- Drinking water, plain water, throughout the day and not much else
These positions are now my "default". Sure, exceptions come and go (for example, no exercise last weekend while I was drinking and partying it up at my 20 year high school reunion), but they are exceptions. I might purchase a burger for lunch from time to time, but it is the true exception to the rule of bringing my lunch to work every day.
So anyhoodle, my point is I was thinking about how I wish I could get some other behaviors to be my "default". Those would be:
- Not eating candy off desks at work
- Not getting Starbucks on weekdays/workdays
- Secret snacks
- No Vending machine snacks
These are behaviors (all basically surrounding the consumption of sugar when I am bored, stressed or any number of other "reasons") and I just wish that my "default" was to not do them. I wish I could just BE the person who doesn't eat candy off desks, or walk over to the Starbucks when a tedious task at work presents itself, or who doesn't get a milkshake while the boy is at taekwondo and I am conveniently alone by myself for a small amount of time with nothing to really do to occupy myself. I want my default to be that I DON'T do those things, and when I do them I want it to be the exception. And right now, those behaviors are not the exception, they are the rule.
So, I was thinking this morning about how I managed to make the other things on the first list habitual and automatic and the answer is that I took it small bits at a time. I keep trying to make the eating sugar thing an all or nothing proposition, I keep trying to take on all of those behaviors at once, and that's not the way I found success with any of the other habits. Even water, which you would think would be something that you either just do or don't do, but you would be wrong. It started after my surgery, I gave up soda because I didn't want the carbonation causing issues. But I didn't want to drink just plain water, so I drank Crystal Light. I drank, like, two quarts of Crystal Light a day. Then, I decided I wanted to get a little less of that, so I started watering it down, so it was like half water and half crystal light. And then, about a year and a half ago, I thought I just wanted to stop doing Crystal Light, so I just started doing plain water, and now it is all I drink and I don't think about it much. So, even something like drinking water rather than soda or other drinks was something that was a gradual shift and I could tell a similar tale about all of those things on that first list.
So, my thought is that I am going to try to take on one of these bad habits at a time, a "minimum standard" situation, just like I did with exercise. So, for the month of October, I am just going to focus on not getting snacks from vending machines and see how I feel about that at the end of the month. If I feel like it has become something I don't miss and don't think about doing anymore, then I'll move on to the next thing, but if it is still something I am struggling with, I'll keep at it for another month.
These things take time, which is something I know well.
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