YES!!!!!

Weight this morning was actually what has been on my MyFitnessPal account, which was last updated well before the lapband-slip disaster of aught 12!

So I guess now we can move on to the real challenge, which is keeping it there or even, goddess forbid, losing NEW weight.

It's been a pretty easy thing lately around our house, since my boy has to cut a bit of weight for football. Endless talk has thus ensued about how to lose real weight, how to lose "fake weight", and basically very small dinners for everyone, since we all want to support him. He is only a couple of pounds away and we aren't doing anything terrible, just so nobody is concerned. Just eating less and absolutely NO junk food. He doesn't have to do this forever, he is allowed to "gain" a pound a week, so the worst thing that can happen is he'll have to sit out a game and then by the next week he'll be all set. I'm irritable with Pop Warner for putting him in this division, since he was over the weight limit for it when we signed him up, but that is a whole other Oprah.

Anyhoodle, I ran 4.1 miles while he was practicing last night. He practices in this other suburb of Denver, called Parker. And here's what's weird.... I've run there twice now, while he is practicing and both times, it has been late evening, and I have not passed a single other runner. In four miles!! Here in Castle Rock, you see other runners no matter when you run or how far, there are ALWAYS other runners out and about. The area in Parker seems to be pretty wealthy, judging by the houses, so WTF Parker? All wealth and no health?

Where you're going has no signs
and you're not going in a straight line

Eyes on the prize, reboot the mission
I've lost the sight, but not the vision

- The Wallflowers, Reboot The Mission

Did 3.1 this morning. The first three days of this week are going to be challenging, Chris is traveling and I have to get everything done, which means the only time I have to run is if I get up at 5AM, have a quick cup of coffee and get going. I was able to do that this morning, but it proves challenging for me to try to do it more than one day in the week.

I am going SO slow these days. But I am only two pounds away from what I consider to be my "comfort" weight. Running is definitely easier without the extra poundage, but those last two pounds are proving quite stubborn and don't seem to want to come off. Oh well. The band is definitely working the way it is supposed to right now, so the rest is just up to me.

Lucky Dog

Things I was thinking about approximately one mile into my run today:

- A truck was approaching and I was trying to time my crossing the street for when it had passed

- My run tomorrow including

- Where I would run

- How far

- What intervals I should do

- I would be dropping the dog off in two blocks, and I was trying to figure out if this would happen during a walking interval, thus not messing too much with my time

Things I wasn't thinking about approximately one mile into my run today:

- Where I was putting my damn feet.

I hit one of those orange bumpy curb things, tripped and literally went ass over teakettle, landing hard on my left knee and rolling on the ground, finally coming to a rest on my ass looking at the sidewalk and wondering what the hell happened.

I hit the ground so hard the leash flew out of my hand thus allowing the dog (having never moved so fast in his life, I am sure) to get out of the way of my falling bulk and not be injured himself.

In what I think is a real credit to my community, both the dudes in the truck that was passing at the time and a little girl on her bike stopped and asked me if I was okay. If they proceeded to laugh their asses off, they didn't do it in front of me.

The only way it could have been worse is if I had injured more than my pride, which I don't think I did. My knee is pretty scraped up, but I don't think it is really hurt (although I am icing it just to be on the safe side, I am sure it is going to be bruised up).

I did finish the run, by the way. After such an ego crushing incident, I don't see how I couldn't. 3.6 miles.

Wins and Fails of the Fast

"Well this is just a simple song
To say what you done
I told you about all those fears
And away they did run"

-Simple Song, The Shins

Win: My rituals. They were so helpful and really an awesome way to help me keep this in perspective, and ultimately made it, I think, successful.

Fail: Daily meditation.... y'all I just do not like it and I am no good at it!! But I did try.... sometimes.

Win: Food. As in, it wasn't about food most of the time. I didn't even think about it most days, which is a real victory.

Fail: Weight. As surprisingly easy as it was to stop eating, it was almost unbelievably hard to stop weighing. I mean, to the point of making me crazy! And even though I did stick with my resolution and did not actually weigh myself (and don't get me wrong, even though Chris hid our home scale, there are scales both at my home gym and at my work gym, I could easily have done it), it was really hard to stop thinking about it, especially during the hard times when I was really hungry and most wanted to eat, which is understandable, I suppose, but still made it hard to focus on what matters. I suspect that had I done a better job with the daily meditation, it may have helped in this area, I'll have to keep that in mind for next time.

Win: Exercise. I kept exercising, but moderated it for my weakened state... a definite win. I was concerned about losing ground on fitness if I did this, but I really don't think I have, or if I have I will make it up quickly.

Overall, I think a successful exercise and very helpful in hitting the "reset" button on my addictive eating patterns. Time will tell for sure, I guess, but I am hopeful.

Training for Vegas starts tomorrow! I am making up a training schedule today. Did 3.1 miles today, which were not as slow as Friday's miles, which is good.

Okay, I'm off to eat a poached egg and a piece of whole grain toast, which I am sure is going to taste and feel like a feast for the Gods.

So Ridiculous

That I have done six nights of this "fast" and tonight is the hardest night.....

I am too hungry to write anything of substance, but things are going well. I have a little ritual all planned for tomorrow to break the fast, and all is well. I may have spent time tonight trying to find the scale that I had Chris hide, but that is none of your business! (And I didn't find it anyway, damn him and his excellent hiding abilities!)

I have exercised this week, including a four mile run yesterday while the boy was at football practice that was as slow a run as I have done for at least a year, and I am not exaggerating. Turns out, it's hard to run when you are eating very few calories. It makes my muscles hurt more than they should, and everything harder. So, I have run this week, and did some elliptical today. Certainly, exercise this week has been on the easy side, with a total of about 150 minutes of cardio so far, but it was easier cardio than usual, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, lacking anything better to share, here is an email exchange between me and my husband from Friday. Not everyone has it as good as I do, and this week has included several learning experiences including recognizing the good things in my life.

Me: Hey, can you do me a favor and check and see how much money we have on our flex spend account right now? To get my fill on Tuesday with the fluoroscopy, it is going to cost us some money and I want to make sure we are covered. It turns out the bariatric benefit is separate from all other deductibles and co-pays, which is 10% of billed charges, and because I am doing radiology with the fill we are going to have to pay.

Him: We have a least $1000 so not worried about it.

Me: Ok. I do want to get it done with the fluoroscopy, I think it will make for a better fill and ultimately for a more effective lap band, rather than me having to keep going back and forth getting a fill and an un-fill until we get it right, so if we can pay for it I would prefer to.

Him: Yes, absolutely. The money is so worth it.

Me: I love you. It might just be that I am hungry, but I got very emotional with this email. I really appreciate how supportive you always are. I hope you have a nice hike this weekend.

Him: You can be both hungry and love me at the same time. They aren't mutually exclusive. I am always proud of how hard you try to be the best you that you can be and I support you when I can and try to stay out of the way if I can't help or don't understand what you need. The support works both ways which I appreciate as well. I love you and remember, mixed grill on Sunday with your choice of grilled items to eat.

Fast

So, I've decided to do a fast for the next week. As per my usual form, I read up on a few ways to do this, and came up with my own thing. It basically amounts to liquids only and the same thing every day, probably around 800 calories per day. It also means daily meditation (giving up my morning computer time wasting) and daily readings from this book.

I had Chris hide the scale, since one of my biggest concerns in doing this is that it NOT be about weight loss. That can't be what it is about. It is about clearing my head, releasing addictive patterns, and blah blah blah. So the scale is gone for this week and, just for good measure, next week as well.

Anyways, so I invented a nice ritual to start the fast, asking the universe for what I need and setting my intentions which I did this morning. My plan is to do another one a week from today to end the fast.

I plan on still exercising, but taking it way easy, so that is just not where the focus is going to be this week.

Not sure about blogging. It might be that I have great insights and amazing things that I feel I need to say, or it might be that I am just a cranky bitch for a week who avoids all contact, internet and otherwise. We'll just have to see.