"Food can be that conduit to memories, as long as we understand it is like Brylcreem: “A little dab will do ya.” Take the meaning and savor a bite. Leave the rest of the calories behind." - Lynn's Weigh
I've been looking around for more weight loss and maintenance blogs, since it is just always so helpful for me to read other people's thoughts, and some of the best wisdom I have ever found has come not from expensive books or personal trainers, but from regular people, blogging their journey.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
I'm OK, You're OK
My weight this morning was 201.6. How I hate typing that out! The struggle continues, but I am trying to be good to myself, reading lots of positive and encouraging blogs, doing positive affirmations and continuing to experiment, trying to find the thing that is going to work well for me right now. I know I am doing the best I can at any given moment (that's my favorite affirmation!) and that ultimately I am just fine, regardless of the fact that the scale is ten numbers higher than I wish it to be.
But the reason I decided to write is because yesterday I had a good day. I skipped lunch, which I have been toying around with as a strategy. My lap band is restrictive enough that it prevents me from doing too much real damage at dinner, so the binge monster is kept in check. What is killing me right now is the snack attack, and skipping lunch allows me to off-set the stupid calories (by which I mean, the mini twix eaten at the reception desk while putting something in the out-going mail box, the sugar cookie given specifically to me by a co-worker because she knows I like them, the handful of goldfish crackers grabbed to tide me over while cooking dinner after I get home, etc. etc.) which I figure I am going to do no matter what, so I might as well try something different to make it all work.
Another big win last night was I had to make a trip to Target to get a couple of small Valentine treats for the kids (as much as I hate this "holiday", I can't help but give them a little something, it is what my mom always did for us) so I really wanted to stop for a milkshake and get some truffles, I felt myself starting to plan it all out.... but then I didn't. I got a small snack size bag of those little candy eggs I really like, and that was it. And I was happy with that.
But the reason I decided to write is because yesterday I had a good day. I skipped lunch, which I have been toying around with as a strategy. My lap band is restrictive enough that it prevents me from doing too much real damage at dinner, so the binge monster is kept in check. What is killing me right now is the snack attack, and skipping lunch allows me to off-set the stupid calories (by which I mean, the mini twix eaten at the reception desk while putting something in the out-going mail box, the sugar cookie given specifically to me by a co-worker because she knows I like them, the handful of goldfish crackers grabbed to tide me over while cooking dinner after I get home, etc. etc.) which I figure I am going to do no matter what, so I might as well try something different to make it all work.
Another big win last night was I had to make a trip to Target to get a couple of small Valentine treats for the kids (as much as I hate this "holiday", I can't help but give them a little something, it is what my mom always did for us) so I really wanted to stop for a milkshake and get some truffles, I felt myself starting to plan it all out.... but then I didn't. I got a small snack size bag of those little candy eggs I really like, and that was it. And I was happy with that.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
My Winter of Disappointment
This is what we've dubbed this winter in our house. Several things have gone on in our household that can only be described by that word. They aren't life changing, they aren't THAT terrible, just.... disappointing.
Back in October when my training ramped up for Vegas, my lap band slipped again. I had some of the fluid pulled, everything was fine again, but since I had Phoenix already planned six weeks after Vegas, my doctor and I agreed that I would just come back after the Phoenix race for another fill. This meant that I spent three months with no restriction, and a whole bunch of holidays. Weight gain ensued. And I mean significant weight gain! Fifteen damn pounds! In three months!
So I've spent the last few weeks in particular feeling just terrible about the weight gain, which of course makes the whole thing worse because what works better to make you feel a little less upset about most anything in life? Ain't nothing better for that job than ice cream, amiright?
Anyway, so Chris and I had this theory about why my band kept slipping when I run a lot, and it involved the possibility of pushing my insurance company to deem skin removal a medical necessity. I was all geared up for this plan, and very convinced I was right, and went to my doc yesterday to discuss the possibility (and also to get this damn band filled!).
She threw cold water all over it, and I agree with her. She explained why it was very unlikely that what I was thinking about was the actual culprit (her explanation of what the culprit actually is boils down to "for some people this happens"), and it made sense to me. Still, very disappointing. I wasn't all THAT sold on skin removal or tummy tuck in any case (although I was willing to have it if it meant I could run all I wanted without my band slipping, but apparently it doesn't mean that), I didn't really want to have surgery and go through all that pain.
So, I am back to square one. But at least now I have my good restriction back with the band. I thought about it all day yesterday, and decided that while I can't keep doing two or three half marathons a year (and for god's sake, do I really WANT that??), there is really no reason why I can't do one a year. So, that is my plan. I will do one half marathon a year and the rest of the time just focus on general fitness, other goals, feeling good in my workouts and not putting so much damn pressure on myself because that really isn't helping with anything. So, my half for 2013 is already done, I did it on Sunday. I am thinking that next year I might decide to do the Colfax again, I really enjoyed that one. And if I am only doing one a year, that means I am only going through this unfill/gain weight/fill nightmare once a year. I can live with that. And it truthfully doesn't even mean I can't still do destination runs, which is part of what makes the whole thing so fun for me. In Phoenix this year, they had this mini-marathon option. I could do stuff like that. I can do the 5K and probably even the 10K without any issues (it's always when my long runs get above six miles that I start having issues with the band). So I'll try to keep that in mind. I actually remember it being quite fun to be the "cheering section" for my sisters when I went to Orange County with them and I walked the 5K while they did the half and the full marathon. I can totally be the cheering section for my sisters and/or girlfriends!
I would also like to focus on my weight. I hate doing that too much (although I certainly want to get back down to what I consider to be my "good weight" as quickly as possible after this three months of nightmarish eating). Maybe I could get below the "good weight" even. Truthfully, running very long distances doesn't help with that, despite what anyone would like to believe. I actually would stand before God and say that running that much only makes it more likely that you'll GAIN weight, but I know the matter is a topic of much controversy. But my experience has been that it certainly doesn't help me LOSE any weight.
Anyway, here's hoping the Winter of Disappointment turns around soon!
Back in October when my training ramped up for Vegas, my lap band slipped again. I had some of the fluid pulled, everything was fine again, but since I had Phoenix already planned six weeks after Vegas, my doctor and I agreed that I would just come back after the Phoenix race for another fill. This meant that I spent three months with no restriction, and a whole bunch of holidays. Weight gain ensued. And I mean significant weight gain! Fifteen damn pounds! In three months!
So I've spent the last few weeks in particular feeling just terrible about the weight gain, which of course makes the whole thing worse because what works better to make you feel a little less upset about most anything in life? Ain't nothing better for that job than ice cream, amiright?
Anyway, so Chris and I had this theory about why my band kept slipping when I run a lot, and it involved the possibility of pushing my insurance company to deem skin removal a medical necessity. I was all geared up for this plan, and very convinced I was right, and went to my doc yesterday to discuss the possibility (and also to get this damn band filled!).
She threw cold water all over it, and I agree with her. She explained why it was very unlikely that what I was thinking about was the actual culprit (her explanation of what the culprit actually is boils down to "for some people this happens"), and it made sense to me. Still, very disappointing. I wasn't all THAT sold on skin removal or tummy tuck in any case (although I was willing to have it if it meant I could run all I wanted without my band slipping, but apparently it doesn't mean that), I didn't really want to have surgery and go through all that pain.
So, I am back to square one. But at least now I have my good restriction back with the band. I thought about it all day yesterday, and decided that while I can't keep doing two or three half marathons a year (and for god's sake, do I really WANT that??), there is really no reason why I can't do one a year. So, that is my plan. I will do one half marathon a year and the rest of the time just focus on general fitness, other goals, feeling good in my workouts and not putting so much damn pressure on myself because that really isn't helping with anything. So, my half for 2013 is already done, I did it on Sunday. I am thinking that next year I might decide to do the Colfax again, I really enjoyed that one. And if I am only doing one a year, that means I am only going through this unfill/gain weight/fill nightmare once a year. I can live with that. And it truthfully doesn't even mean I can't still do destination runs, which is part of what makes the whole thing so fun for me. In Phoenix this year, they had this mini-marathon option. I could do stuff like that. I can do the 5K and probably even the 10K without any issues (it's always when my long runs get above six miles that I start having issues with the band). So I'll try to keep that in mind. I actually remember it being quite fun to be the "cheering section" for my sisters when I went to Orange County with them and I walked the 5K while they did the half and the full marathon. I can totally be the cheering section for my sisters and/or girlfriends!
I would also like to focus on my weight. I hate doing that too much (although I certainly want to get back down to what I consider to be my "good weight" as quickly as possible after this three months of nightmarish eating). Maybe I could get below the "good weight" even. Truthfully, running very long distances doesn't help with that, despite what anyone would like to believe. I actually would stand before God and say that running that much only makes it more likely that you'll GAIN weight, but I know the matter is a topic of much controversy. But my experience has been that it certainly doesn't help me LOSE any weight.
Anyway, here's hoping the Winter of Disappointment turns around soon!
Monday, December 31, 2012
New Years at the Gym
I did nine miles yesterday. So, I really need a rest day today, which leaves me in a quandary because that means I either have to take two rest days in a row or go to the stupid gym on new years day, a prospect that I loathe. It is not going to get above twenty degrees here and will likely snow tomorrow, so going outside is really not a great option.
The nine miles was slow, but it got done.
The nine miles was slow, but it got done.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Busy, but Running
Did seven miles last weekend, and eight today. They were really good runs, some of the best runs I've had in quite some time. But it's slow. I've gained some weight, and am doing about 13 minute miles. It's all good, I'm feeling good and hoping Phoenix is going to be fun.
Today I put my Ipod on "All Songs" rather than my standard running playlist and made a resolution to not touch it for the whole run; no skipping songs! Which resulted in me running to everything from Bing Crosby (I have all my Christmas music on there right now) to Counting Crows and some god awful Christmas song called "Special Gift" which I didn't even know I owned, and that song was towards the end of the run too, so I felt like a real hero for not skipping it.
Now I'm off to wrap presents, Chris took the kids to see "The Hobbit" so I have about three hours to get it all done.
Today I put my Ipod on "All Songs" rather than my standard running playlist and made a resolution to not touch it for the whole run; no skipping songs! Which resulted in me running to everything from Bing Crosby (I have all my Christmas music on there right now) to Counting Crows and some god awful Christmas song called "Special Gift" which I didn't even know I owned, and that song was towards the end of the run too, so I felt like a real hero for not skipping it.
Now I'm off to wrap presents, Chris took the kids to see "The Hobbit" so I have about three hours to get it all done.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
God, people are helpful!
For the life of me I cannot find the post where I wrote about the lady at work that I run into sometimes at the gym and back a couple of years ago she says to me out of the blue while we are in the locker room "are you one of the weight watchers people?". I think it must be posted on my very old blog, and I haven't gotten those archives up anywhere.
Anyhoodle, so you'll just have to take my word for it that is what happened. I wrote about it at the time in the context of my body as a larger person is always assumed to be of public interest, and anyone and everyone feels free to comment on what I am putting in it, on it or through it, all in the name of being "helpful" or "encouraging", of course.
Anyway, so it was really rude and this person has since always been sort of on my shit list. I now know more about her than I previously did (previously I only knew that she worked for my same company but on a different floor and she went to the gym sometimes and walks on the treadmill at a precipitous incline and proceeds to make these little coughing noises that drive me insane). For example I now know her name and that she is the admin assistant to someone on our floor. I now work on the same floor as her. BUT, what we continue to NOT BE is friends. We have had some chit chat, and all of it has confirmed my basic low opinion of her.
So, earlier this week I was up at the front desk chatting with the front desk admin (who I like) and eating the candy she keeps up there. And this idiot comes along and we are all just sort of chit chatting. Then, the following exchange occurred:
Her: I've been meaning to talk to you.
Me: Oh?
Her: Yes, do you have asthma or anything like that?
Me: Um, no.
Her: Hm, well, you are really breathing too heavy when you run.
Me: Oh?
Her: Yes, I used to run and you shouldn't be breathing faster than you are running.
Front Desk Admin: (makes some kind of comment trying to mitigate the obvious rudeness of the situation)
Her (to the Front Desk Admin): No, really, she does! I'm on the treadmill right next to her!
Me: I usually don't pay much attention to my breathing, I just go.
Her: Well, the other thing is that, do you run flat?
Me: Sometimes.
Her: Well, if you just walked at incline you would burn a lot more calories.
At that point, I left. I feel good in that I can now just understand that this is clearly one incredibly rude individual and not make a universal issue out of it, but still, my god. The rudeness of people never ceases to amaze me. So, the next day there was this whole group of people up at the front desk (eating candy) and I join them for a moment, and the front desk gal made some comment about "make sure you aren't breathing too hard" or something like that, making a joke, and the other people wanted to know what happened (rude lady herself was not in the group) and I said "I was told yesterday that I was too heavy to be running" and the front desk gal was all "oh, no I'm sure that's not what she meant" and I was all "whatever, okay, I was told I am breathing too hard when I am running". So, now I am sure it is going to get all over the stupid office that this lady was rude to me and that I called out her rudeness to others (being too stunned to really call it out at the time it happened), and I'm fully expecting yet another stupid conversation with her where she will expound upon how NOT rude she was being and how she was just trying to HELP me.
Whereupon someone is getting hurt.
As for Vegas, there really wasn't much worth writing about. It wasn't a bad experience, but it wasn't terrific either and my time, while nothing to be ashamed of, was nothing to brag about either. The things that make that Vegas run so fun are also the same things that I don't like about Vegas, which is pretty much everything. But it's fun to run that strip at night. So, maybe I'll do it again, maybe not.
And now I have to start training for Phoenix. To that end, today I did six miles, but had to do it on the treadmill (at .5% incline) at the gym, since the high here today is only supposed to be 20 degrees and there is all kinds of snow and ice on the sidewalks. No good for running. Which made me remember why I haven't done the stupid Phoenix half since 2010, it's really hard to train for it when you live somewhere where it snows. So maybe I'll end up with lots of training on the treadmill, I don't know.
Anyhoodle, so you'll just have to take my word for it that is what happened. I wrote about it at the time in the context of my body as a larger person is always assumed to be of public interest, and anyone and everyone feels free to comment on what I am putting in it, on it or through it, all in the name of being "helpful" or "encouraging", of course.
Anyway, so it was really rude and this person has since always been sort of on my shit list. I now know more about her than I previously did (previously I only knew that she worked for my same company but on a different floor and she went to the gym sometimes and walks on the treadmill at a precipitous incline and proceeds to make these little coughing noises that drive me insane). For example I now know her name and that she is the admin assistant to someone on our floor. I now work on the same floor as her. BUT, what we continue to NOT BE is friends. We have had some chit chat, and all of it has confirmed my basic low opinion of her.
So, earlier this week I was up at the front desk chatting with the front desk admin (who I like) and eating the candy she keeps up there. And this idiot comes along and we are all just sort of chit chatting. Then, the following exchange occurred:
Her: I've been meaning to talk to you.
Me: Oh?
Her: Yes, do you have asthma or anything like that?
Me: Um, no.
Her: Hm, well, you are really breathing too heavy when you run.
Me: Oh?
Her: Yes, I used to run and you shouldn't be breathing faster than you are running.
Front Desk Admin: (makes some kind of comment trying to mitigate the obvious rudeness of the situation)
Her (to the Front Desk Admin): No, really, she does! I'm on the treadmill right next to her!
Me: I usually don't pay much attention to my breathing, I just go.
Her: Well, the other thing is that, do you run flat?
Me: Sometimes.
Her: Well, if you just walked at incline you would burn a lot more calories.
At that point, I left. I feel good in that I can now just understand that this is clearly one incredibly rude individual and not make a universal issue out of it, but still, my god. The rudeness of people never ceases to amaze me. So, the next day there was this whole group of people up at the front desk (eating candy) and I join them for a moment, and the front desk gal made some comment about "make sure you aren't breathing too hard" or something like that, making a joke, and the other people wanted to know what happened (rude lady herself was not in the group) and I said "I was told yesterday that I was too heavy to be running" and the front desk gal was all "oh, no I'm sure that's not what she meant" and I was all "whatever, okay, I was told I am breathing too hard when I am running". So, now I am sure it is going to get all over the stupid office that this lady was rude to me and that I called out her rudeness to others (being too stunned to really call it out at the time it happened), and I'm fully expecting yet another stupid conversation with her where she will expound upon how NOT rude she was being and how she was just trying to HELP me.
Whereupon someone is getting hurt.
As for Vegas, there really wasn't much worth writing about. It wasn't a bad experience, but it wasn't terrific either and my time, while nothing to be ashamed of, was nothing to brag about either. The things that make that Vegas run so fun are also the same things that I don't like about Vegas, which is pretty much everything. But it's fun to run that strip at night. So, maybe I'll do it again, maybe not.
And now I have to start training for Phoenix. To that end, today I did six miles, but had to do it on the treadmill (at .5% incline) at the gym, since the high here today is only supposed to be 20 degrees and there is all kinds of snow and ice on the sidewalks. No good for running. Which made me remember why I haven't done the stupid Phoenix half since 2010, it's really hard to train for it when you live somewhere where it snows. So maybe I'll end up with lots of training on the treadmill, I don't know.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
3.1
Did my usual 5K route around my neighborhood last night, in an attempt to get "really" ready for this half. Chris was talking about how I just don't seem that excited about it, but the truth is my feelings about it swing back and forth a lot. I am making a trip by myself to Vegas (which I can't decide if that makes me the coolest person ever or just a big loser) to run a race by myself. When I booked the whole thing I gambled that surely someone in my small circle of running friends would decide to join me, but I was wrong. The point being, I've never done this before, and so I'm not sure how I'll like it. I might decide it is the best thing I have ever done and proceed to do it every year, but I might decide I hate it and I'll never do it again. Hence, the not seeming too excited. Well, there's that and plus my training hasn't gone particularly well for this race, so I'm not counting on getting a great race time.
But regardless of any internal hemming and hawing, the race is going to happen, I am in fact going to run 13.1 miles tomorrow night. Hopefully I will have some fun while doing it, I think I will.
But regardless of any internal hemming and hawing, the race is going to happen, I am in fact going to run 13.1 miles tomorrow night. Hopefully I will have some fun while doing it, I think I will.
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