New Years at the Gym

I did nine miles yesterday. So, I really need a rest day today, which leaves me in a quandary because that means I either have to take two rest days in a row or go to the stupid gym on new years day, a prospect that I loathe. It is not going to get above twenty degrees here and will likely snow tomorrow, so going outside is really not a great option.

The nine miles was slow, but it got done.

Busy, but Running

Did seven miles last weekend, and eight today. They were really good runs, some of the best runs I've had in quite some time. But it's slow. I've gained some weight, and am doing about 13 minute miles. It's all good, I'm feeling good and hoping Phoenix is going to be fun.

Today I put my Ipod on "All Songs" rather than my standard running playlist and made a resolution to not touch it for the whole run; no skipping songs! Which resulted in me running to everything from Bing Crosby (I have all my Christmas music on there right now) to Counting Crows and some god awful Christmas song called "Special Gift" which I didn't even know I owned, and that song was towards the end of the run too, so I felt like a real hero for not skipping it.

Now I'm off to wrap presents, Chris took the kids to see "The Hobbit" so I have about three hours to get it all done.

God, people are helpful!

For the life of me I cannot find the post where I wrote about the lady at work that I run into sometimes at the gym and back a couple of years ago she says to me out of the blue while we are in the locker room "are you one of the weight watchers people?". I think it must be posted on my very old blog, and I haven't gotten those archives up anywhere.

Anyhoodle, so you'll just have to take my word for it that is what happened. I wrote about it at the time in the context of my body as a larger person is always assumed to be of public interest, and anyone and everyone feels free to comment on what I am putting in it, on it or through it, all in the name of being "helpful" or "encouraging", of course.

Anyway, so it was really rude and this person has since always been sort of on my shit list. I now know more about her than I previously did (previously I only knew that she worked for my same company but on a different floor and she went to the gym sometimes and walks on the treadmill at a precipitous incline and proceeds to make these little coughing noises that drive me insane). For example I now know her name and that she is the admin assistant to someone on our floor. I now work on the same floor as her. BUT, what we continue to NOT BE is friends. We have had some chit chat, and all of it has confirmed my basic low opinion of her.

So, earlier this week I was up at the front desk chatting with the front desk admin (who I like) and eating the candy she keeps up there. And this idiot comes along and we are all just sort of chit chatting. Then, the following exchange occurred:

Her: I've been meaning to talk to you.

Me: Oh?

Her: Yes, do you have asthma or anything like that?

Me: Um, no.

Her: Hm, well, you are really breathing too heavy when you run.

Me: Oh?

Her: Yes, I used to run and you shouldn't be breathing faster than you are running.

Front Desk Admin: (makes some kind of comment trying to mitigate the obvious rudeness of the situation)

Her (to the Front Desk Admin): No, really, she does! I'm on the treadmill right next to her!

Me: I usually don't pay much attention to my breathing, I just go.

Her: Well, the other thing is that, do you run flat?

Me: Sometimes.

Her: Well, if you just walked at incline you would burn a lot more calories.

At that point, I left. I feel good in that I can now just understand that this is clearly one incredibly rude individual and not make a universal issue out of it, but still, my god. The rudeness of people never ceases to amaze me. So, the next day there was this whole group of people up at the front desk (eating candy) and I join them for a moment, and the front desk gal made some comment about "make sure you aren't breathing too hard" or something like that, making a joke, and the other people wanted to know what happened (rude lady herself was not in the group) and I said "I was told yesterday that I was too heavy to be running" and the front desk gal was all "oh, no I'm sure that's not what she meant" and I was all "whatever, okay, I was told I am breathing too hard when I am running". So, now I am sure it is going to get all over the stupid office that this lady was rude to me and that I called out her rudeness to others (being too stunned to really call it out at the time it happened), and I'm fully expecting yet another stupid conversation with her where she will expound upon how NOT rude she was being and how she was just trying to HELP me.

Whereupon someone is getting hurt.

As for Vegas, there really wasn't much worth writing about. It wasn't a bad experience, but it wasn't terrific either and my time, while nothing to be ashamed of, was nothing to brag about either. The things that make that Vegas run so fun are also the same things that I don't like about Vegas, which is pretty much everything. But it's fun to run that strip at night. So, maybe I'll do it again, maybe not.

And now I have to start training for Phoenix. To that end, today I did six miles, but had to do it on the treadmill (at .5% incline) at the gym, since the high here today is only supposed to be 20 degrees and there is all kinds of snow and ice on the sidewalks. No good for running. Which made me remember why I haven't done the stupid Phoenix half since 2010, it's really hard to train for it when you live somewhere where it snows. So maybe I'll end up with lots of training on the treadmill, I don't know.

3.1

Did my usual 5K route around my neighborhood last night, in an attempt to get "really" ready for this half.  Chris was talking about how I just don't seem that excited about it, but the truth is my feelings about it swing back and forth a lot. I am making a trip by myself to Vegas (which I can't decide if that makes me the coolest person ever or just a big loser) to run a race by myself. When I booked the whole thing I gambled that surely someone in my small circle of running friends would decide to join me, but I was wrong. The point being, I've never done this before, and so I'm not sure how I'll like it. I might decide it is the best thing I have ever done and proceed to do it every year, but I might decide I hate it and I'll never do it again. Hence, the not seeming too excited. Well, there's that and plus my training hasn't gone particularly well for this race, so I'm not counting on getting a great race time.

But regardless of any internal hemming and hawing, the race is going to happen, I am in fact going to run 13.1 miles tomorrow night. Hopefully I will have some fun while doing it, I think I will.

Desperation Breeds Creativity

The plan was to drop my mom at the airport and go directly to the park to do my final 11 mile long run. All went according to plan until I went to put my gear on and discovered that although I thought I had my interval timer, I did not.

On the walk to the port-a-potty I mulled my options. I remembered that my garmin will do intervals, but also remembered that the reason I have not used this function in all the time I have had it is because it beeps to time the intervals. I prefer my timer because it vibrates, allowing me to listen to my ipod as loudly as I wish and still time my intervals.

So, I figured out how to do this on my garmin and figured I would try it out and see what happened. It did beep and it was really low, there was no way I would hear it with my ipod on. But then it occurred to me that I could just put one of my earbuds in, leaving the ear closest to the garmin uncovered, thus allowing me to both time my intervals and listen to my music, although softer than I usually would.

This worked for the whole 11 miles, which was slow. I am blaming the slow on how soft the music was.

Final Push

So, last week was just a terrible running week. I only went once, before going out for a ten mile run on Saturday which was so awful I couldn't even bear to write about it.

This week has been better. I've gone every day except Wednesday, which was a scheduled rest day. I'm taking my second rest day tomorrow (an unprecedented Saturday rest day!) and I'll get my last long training run of 11 miles in on Sunday, after dropping my mom at the airport. It will be early and cold, but at least it will be flat.

9

"I have to go run nine miles now. It has started snowing here and I forgot my ipod, so it is shaping up to be the worst run ever." - text I sent my sister before setting off to run 9 miles at City Park.

I had indeed forgotten my Ipod and it was snowing. It snowed for the first six miles of the run, and was pretty damn cold for all of it! I wore two pairs of pants, two tops and my green stripey hat (which thank god I had, thanks Sandy!). I was thinking that I would be the only crazy one out there running in that weather, but I was far from it. There was a 10K going on at the park, as well as numerous runners, some of them in shorts, just going out for their daily runs. At first I was amazed, but then I realized this is Denver, and it is training season. I have yet to see a little crappy snow keep anyone from exercising here.

Which made me think about how much moving here has done for my running and I pondered where my running would be if we didn't live here. (I pondered many things, since I didn't have my Ipod.) Culture is huge, and moving here from where I was, it has always been downright striking to me how much exercise is encouraged in the culture here. Everyone does something. They walk, they run, they ride bikes. The city and suburbs are set up to encourage this, there are very few places that do not have safe sidewalks and bike lanes and many places have other open space with hiking trails that are maintained.

Anyway, three weeks to Vegas! I don't think it is going to be my greatest race, but I'm looking forward to it all the same.

Words With Wall Street

After running 8 miles on Saturday, Sunday was determined to be an easy day at the gym. I haven't made many appearances there lately, mainly due to some setbacks with running and the need to train for the Vegas half outside. So anyways, I get to the gym and wall street guy smiles at me, and I smile back. He goes "I haven't seen you lately!" and I go "oh, well I'm training for my next half marathon, so spending a lot of time running outside." And he goes "oh my god, you are unbelieveable! I have no excuse.."* and we both laughed and I moved on to my elliptical. Where, even though I had planned to do only three easy miles, I did four instead. Because I'm unbelievable.

Today while doing my 3.1 outside in the crisp 32 degree weather, I saw a deer. He ran up nemesis hill on the other side of the street (he beat me, in case you are wondering), and then went up the hill and disappeared. It was nice, although I spent a few worried moments thinking he was going to run into the road and get clobbered by some poor commuter. 

I'm due for a rest day, but since I am leaving for Texas for a work thing for the next three days, I am trying to be more pro-active since when I get together with my peers, debauchery always seems to ensue, which interferes with my running. So I went this morning in an effort to ensure  that the debauchery (and the election coverage, which I will surely stay up until 2AM watching if I can manage it) won't totally ruin my week. Wish me luck on that.

*I was thinking about this on this morning's jog, because it is not unusual for me to get rather defensive or bitchy when people talk to me at the gym, but this incident made me realize that I just know good and well the difference between genuine admiration and camaraderie (which is what was being expressed by wall street guy) and amused condescension, disbelieving chit chat, or "let's all admire the fat girl exercising" talk making me their teachable moment, which is what passes for much other gym conversation I have, which is what leads to the defensiveness. So, I am hereby ditching any self doubt about other people's motivations or being hard on myself for being bitchy or defensive. I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE and when people are being nice to me, I am in return perfectly nice and pleasant to them.

A Few Triumphs

I had to travel for two days for work recently. I did not run (even though I had packed my stuff and had every intention of doing so) and instead stayed up late drinking with co-workers. My food was prepared for me for the entire two days and I had extremely limited choices. As frustrating as that was, I have been thinking today that I really have had some triumphant things go on recently, so I thought I would share.

1. On Wednesday night, the dinner that was provided was pizza, yucky looking salad, appetizers of fried chicken fingers and mozarella sticks. None of it was food that I would eat at home by choice and none of it looked good. I had eaten heartily of the lunch fajitas (and cookies), so I just decided I would skip the dinner food. And honestly, it felt very healthy. I did not want what was being served, I was not all that hungry and I knew I would regret eating any of it, so I didn't. Nobody really said anything other than one person and I simply replied that I didn't want pizza. Thinking about it today, it was just really a healthy moment in my relationship with food, it really was! There was no "oooh, I really want that, but that would be bad bad bad", nor was there any "wow, how great am I that I am surrounded by people eating pizza, but I am being good and not eating pizza", there was none of it! There was only me, Marianne, taking care of my own needs and not eating food I did not want.

2. This morning, getting dressed, I was struck by the fact that everything in my closet are things that I have been able to wear for two years or more. This means that I have been at roughly the same weight for a LONG time! This is a huge win for me. Even though certainly I would like for those sizes to be even smaller than they are, the fact that I have sweaters that I am now pulling out for the third consecutive Winter and they still fit.... well, that is nothing but a good thing, and frankly something that I have never really experienced before in my life. I like it!

3. Today, after getting back from traveling, my body is telling me things. It wants to run. It wants to eat healthy food prepared at home and not that much of it. It wants to recover from two days of crappy food and some deliberate debauchery. And the triumph is..... I'm listening.

On Listening

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight
Clenched shut jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and they burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold,
But there's nothing to grasp so I let go

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when it can't get worse, I've had a shit day 
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.

Pink




You know you are having a good run when you are more focused on the latest trauma inflicted by and on your family than on how miserable you are. Today was a good run. I am behind my training schedule now, so I did six miles and I did them at 3R/1W.

The thing is, I was comfortable. This pace is comfortable and I can't shake the feeling that over the past weeks my body is plainly and simply telling me that I was pushing too hard. I have little choice but to listen to it. I may never go much faster than a 12 minute mile, and that just has to be okay. And it is okay.

The point is to keep on keeping on, right? Right.

3.1

For the first time this week, got out and ran. It was awful. I am still really sick and now I am going to be really late to work since I have to spend an hour coughing and I really didn't build that into my schedule in advance.

Sick Sick Sick

Well, I started off the week throwing up uncontrollably (band problems went from bad over the weekend to worse on Monday, to catastrophic on Tuesday, when I was finally able to get in to the doc) at the beginning of the week and am now rounding it out with a nice cold complete with a throat so sore it feels like it is on fire and some real good chest congestion starting to set in..... nice!

So, I've had just a really bad two weeks with running. I've been going, but it's been kind of terrible. I decided I am not going to do my long run this week. I have a theory that it is actually good for you to exercise through a cold (as long as you are sure it is just a common cold and not some horrible bronchitis or something), but keeping up with your exercise is not the same thing as putting your body through the stress of an eight mile run. I tend to think that would just make everything worse, and I would really like to get better and not waste any more time.

I did go today, 3.1 miles but I took it very easy, 3R/1W (now officially my "easy"), and 12:19/mile.

Tough Day

"My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called love
When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from
Some terrible lies"  - Fun.

From my favorite running song right now. 

7.5 got done today, my time was terrible, although mentally I was okay. My body just was not going to do what I wanted it to do today. I'm kind of proud of myself that the damn thing got done today, because I have had some challenges this week. Yesterday I was out for three hours in below freezing weather, watching the boy play football, and this whole weekend I've been dealing with nocturnal reflux, which has meant I haven't gotten any kind of good sleep and my chest is inflamed from it. I am going next week to the doc to have some fluid pulled from this band, so that will clear that up. I hope I'm not getting sick.

It's Habitual

"The great thing, then, in all education, is to make our nervous system our ally instead of our enemy. It is to fund and capitalize our acquisitions, and live at ease upon the interest of the fund. For this we must make automatic and habitual, as early as possible, as many useful actions as we can, and guard against the growing into ways that are likely to be disadvantageous to us, as we should guard against the plague." - William James

I saw this quote on a blog I read sometimes early this week and I've just been thinking about it all week. I even printed it up and put it on my desk at work. I kept thinking that there were some things in my life that I would just really REALLY like to become "automatic and habitual" and I made a list  of them. Then, I started thinking about all the things I have done in the last three or four years that have, in fact, become automatic and habitual.... healthy habits that I just didn't have before that now are just a given part of my existence, something I rarely give that much thought to and where exceptions to those habits are so rare as to be true exceptions and when those exceptions are over, I just go back to the good habit by default. Exercise was the biggest one that came to mind, but there are others. And I thought to myself that I rarely give myself very much credit for those things, so I made a list of those too.

Things that are now automatic and habitual that were not always:

- Exercise 
- Bringing my lunch to work
- Cooking dinner
- Eating said dinner at the table
- Drinking water, plain water, throughout the day and not much else

These positions are now my "default". Sure, exceptions come and go (for example, no exercise last weekend while I was drinking and partying it up at my 20 year high school reunion), but they are exceptions. I might purchase a burger for lunch from time to time, but it is the true exception to the rule of bringing my lunch to work every day.

So anyhoodle, my point is I was thinking about how I wish I could get some other behaviors to be my "default". Those would be:

- Not eating candy off desks at work
- Not getting Starbucks on weekdays/workdays
- Secret snacks
- No Vending machine snacks

These are behaviors (all basically surrounding the consumption of sugar when I am bored, stressed or any number of other "reasons") and I just wish that my "default" was to not do them. I wish I could just BE the person who doesn't eat candy off desks, or walk over to the Starbucks when a tedious task at work presents itself, or who doesn't get a milkshake while the boy is at taekwondo and I am conveniently alone by myself for a small amount of time with nothing to really do to occupy myself. I want my default to be that I DON'T do those things, and when I do them I want it to be the exception. And right now, those behaviors are not the exception, they are the rule. 

So, I was thinking this morning about how I managed to make the other things on the first list habitual and automatic and the answer is that I took it small bits at a time. I keep trying to make the eating sugar thing an all or nothing proposition, I keep trying to take on all of those behaviors at once, and that's not the way I found success with any of the other habits. Even water, which you would think would be something that you either just do or don't do, but you would be wrong. It started after my surgery, I gave up soda because I didn't want the carbonation causing issues. But I didn't want to drink just plain water, so I drank Crystal Light. I drank, like, two quarts of Crystal Light a day. Then, I decided I wanted to get a little less of that, so I started watering it down, so it was like half water and half crystal light. And then, about a year and a half ago, I thought I just wanted to stop doing Crystal Light, so I just started doing plain water, and now it is all I drink and I don't think about it much. So, even something like drinking water rather than soda or other drinks was something that was a gradual shift and I could tell a similar tale about all of those things on that first list. 

So, my thought is that I am going to try to take on one of these bad habits at a time, a "minimum standard" situation, just like I did with exercise. So, for the month of October, I am just going to focus on not getting snacks from vending machines and see how I feel about that at the end of the month. If I feel like it has become something I don't miss and don't think about doing anymore, then I'll move on to the next thing, but if it is still something I am struggling with, I'll keep at it for another month. 

These things take time, which is something I know well.

30:21

My time on my treadmill three today. Although I must say, it nearly killed me.

Changing Goals

6.5 done today. It was a good and joyful run. I focused really on just finishing the run doing the intervals I wanted to do (which I did, 5R/1W), I did not look at my Garmin, and my time was correspondingly disappointing (11:58/mile).

So, I get home and I'm telling Chris that it was a really nice run, but I just cannot seem to do much better than a 12 minute mile for those kind of distances, and I just don't think I am going to be able to do Vegas in 2:30:00 like I wanted to.

He commented that I just did not seem very excited about this race, not happy in my training, etc.

And I realized it is because I have just been focusing way too much on time. Half Marathons are supposed to be at least somewhat fun, and if they aren't, then why do them? Last week's long run was miserable. I ran hard, kind of hurt my foot, and all for 11:50/mi, STILL not the pace I wanted to hit and was miserable to boot.

So, I'm done with this 2:30:00 goal. I am hereby changing the goal! My only goal is to beat my previous time, even if it is only by one minute (hell, even if it is only by one second!). I want to run the race at 5R/1W intervals, and beat my former time. That's it, that is all. Oh, and I would prefer to have a bit of fun while doing it.

3.5

Did 3.5 outside, in about 43 minutes, although I didn't have my garmin so that time is very approximate. But the real news is I did 7R/1W intervals. This meant I had to run all the way up nemesis hill with no walk break.

But it's a weird thing lately. Running harder is coming more easily than I would have thought. I increase my intervals and it's just not that big of a deal. You just never can tell when your body is going to decide to make some leap forward, it doesn't seem to have very much rhyme or reason. I thought it was going to be much harder after so much treadmill running this summer, but it really hasn't been. Which just goes to show you that treadmill running = still running, and will still keep you at a decent fitness level, even if you aren't working as hard as you might, so then when you are ready to really hit it, it's not so hard. The other thing I have noticed is that hills aren't as big a darn deal as they used to be... I used to plan runs around hills (how many, how steep, etc.) and now I just find myself not thinking about them too much.

Anyway, after having a few brief but glorious minutes thinking I had a free evening after football practice got cancelled due to rain, my daughter reminded me that now I can go to her forensics team parent meeting, which I was previously going to have to miss because of football. So, off I go to finish the second shift, which these days never seems to end.

This Ain't Some Bullshit

that was my response to chris yesterday when he commented that he wished he had my motivation. i also added that this is life or death and i meant it. it's the difference between me watching my grandkids graduate from high school or spending twelve hours a week in some goddamn dialysis chair.

at any rate, 5.5 miles today at 5r/1w intervals, 11:40/mile. a good run.

Hitting the Trail

Did five miles on the trail today. It started out bad, but ended up well enough. I did 4R/1W intervals, and time was 11:57/mile. So, I think I have this right, if I can just get myself up to 5R/1W for the Vegas half, I should be able to get it done in 2.5 hours, or come pretty darn close.

In other news, yesterday I ran three miles on the treadmill. Ordinarily, this would not merit mention, BUT..... I did it in 30:25. Word.

YES!!!!!

Weight this morning was actually what has been on my MyFitnessPal account, which was last updated well before the lapband-slip disaster of aught 12!

So I guess now we can move on to the real challenge, which is keeping it there or even, goddess forbid, losing NEW weight.

It's been a pretty easy thing lately around our house, since my boy has to cut a bit of weight for football. Endless talk has thus ensued about how to lose real weight, how to lose "fake weight", and basically very small dinners for everyone, since we all want to support him. He is only a couple of pounds away and we aren't doing anything terrible, just so nobody is concerned. Just eating less and absolutely NO junk food. He doesn't have to do this forever, he is allowed to "gain" a pound a week, so the worst thing that can happen is he'll have to sit out a game and then by the next week he'll be all set. I'm irritable with Pop Warner for putting him in this division, since he was over the weight limit for it when we signed him up, but that is a whole other Oprah.

Anyhoodle, I ran 4.1 miles while he was practicing last night. He practices in this other suburb of Denver, called Parker. And here's what's weird.... I've run there twice now, while he is practicing and both times, it has been late evening, and I have not passed a single other runner. In four miles!! Here in Castle Rock, you see other runners no matter when you run or how far, there are ALWAYS other runners out and about. The area in Parker seems to be pretty wealthy, judging by the houses, so WTF Parker? All wealth and no health?

Where you're going has no signs
and you're not going in a straight line

Eyes on the prize, reboot the mission
I've lost the sight, but not the vision

- The Wallflowers, Reboot The Mission

Did 3.1 this morning. The first three days of this week are going to be challenging, Chris is traveling and I have to get everything done, which means the only time I have to run is if I get up at 5AM, have a quick cup of coffee and get going. I was able to do that this morning, but it proves challenging for me to try to do it more than one day in the week.

I am going SO slow these days. But I am only two pounds away from what I consider to be my "comfort" weight. Running is definitely easier without the extra poundage, but those last two pounds are proving quite stubborn and don't seem to want to come off. Oh well. The band is definitely working the way it is supposed to right now, so the rest is just up to me.

Lucky Dog

Things I was thinking about approximately one mile into my run today:

- A truck was approaching and I was trying to time my crossing the street for when it had passed

- My run tomorrow including

- Where I would run

- How far

- What intervals I should do

- I would be dropping the dog off in two blocks, and I was trying to figure out if this would happen during a walking interval, thus not messing too much with my time

Things I wasn't thinking about approximately one mile into my run today:

- Where I was putting my damn feet.

I hit one of those orange bumpy curb things, tripped and literally went ass over teakettle, landing hard on my left knee and rolling on the ground, finally coming to a rest on my ass looking at the sidewalk and wondering what the hell happened.

I hit the ground so hard the leash flew out of my hand thus allowing the dog (having never moved so fast in his life, I am sure) to get out of the way of my falling bulk and not be injured himself.

In what I think is a real credit to my community, both the dudes in the truck that was passing at the time and a little girl on her bike stopped and asked me if I was okay. If they proceeded to laugh their asses off, they didn't do it in front of me.

The only way it could have been worse is if I had injured more than my pride, which I don't think I did. My knee is pretty scraped up, but I don't think it is really hurt (although I am icing it just to be on the safe side, I am sure it is going to be bruised up).

I did finish the run, by the way. After such an ego crushing incident, I don't see how I couldn't. 3.6 miles.

Wins and Fails of the Fast

"Well this is just a simple song
To say what you done
I told you about all those fears
And away they did run"

-Simple Song, The Shins

Win: My rituals. They were so helpful and really an awesome way to help me keep this in perspective, and ultimately made it, I think, successful.

Fail: Daily meditation.... y'all I just do not like it and I am no good at it!! But I did try.... sometimes.

Win: Food. As in, it wasn't about food most of the time. I didn't even think about it most days, which is a real victory.

Fail: Weight. As surprisingly easy as it was to stop eating, it was almost unbelievably hard to stop weighing. I mean, to the point of making me crazy! And even though I did stick with my resolution and did not actually weigh myself (and don't get me wrong, even though Chris hid our home scale, there are scales both at my home gym and at my work gym, I could easily have done it), it was really hard to stop thinking about it, especially during the hard times when I was really hungry and most wanted to eat, which is understandable, I suppose, but still made it hard to focus on what matters. I suspect that had I done a better job with the daily meditation, it may have helped in this area, I'll have to keep that in mind for next time.

Win: Exercise. I kept exercising, but moderated it for my weakened state... a definite win. I was concerned about losing ground on fitness if I did this, but I really don't think I have, or if I have I will make it up quickly.

Overall, I think a successful exercise and very helpful in hitting the "reset" button on my addictive eating patterns. Time will tell for sure, I guess, but I am hopeful.

Training for Vegas starts tomorrow! I am making up a training schedule today. Did 3.1 miles today, which were not as slow as Friday's miles, which is good.

Okay, I'm off to eat a poached egg and a piece of whole grain toast, which I am sure is going to taste and feel like a feast for the Gods.

So Ridiculous

That I have done six nights of this "fast" and tonight is the hardest night.....

I am too hungry to write anything of substance, but things are going well. I have a little ritual all planned for tomorrow to break the fast, and all is well. I may have spent time tonight trying to find the scale that I had Chris hide, but that is none of your business! (And I didn't find it anyway, damn him and his excellent hiding abilities!)

I have exercised this week, including a four mile run yesterday while the boy was at football practice that was as slow a run as I have done for at least a year, and I am not exaggerating. Turns out, it's hard to run when you are eating very few calories. It makes my muscles hurt more than they should, and everything harder. So, I have run this week, and did some elliptical today. Certainly, exercise this week has been on the easy side, with a total of about 150 minutes of cardio so far, but it was easier cardio than usual, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, lacking anything better to share, here is an email exchange between me and my husband from Friday. Not everyone has it as good as I do, and this week has included several learning experiences including recognizing the good things in my life.

Me: Hey, can you do me a favor and check and see how much money we have on our flex spend account right now? To get my fill on Tuesday with the fluoroscopy, it is going to cost us some money and I want to make sure we are covered. It turns out the bariatric benefit is separate from all other deductibles and co-pays, which is 10% of billed charges, and because I am doing radiology with the fill we are going to have to pay.

Him: We have a least $1000 so not worried about it.

Me: Ok. I do want to get it done with the fluoroscopy, I think it will make for a better fill and ultimately for a more effective lap band, rather than me having to keep going back and forth getting a fill and an un-fill until we get it right, so if we can pay for it I would prefer to.

Him: Yes, absolutely. The money is so worth it.

Me: I love you. It might just be that I am hungry, but I got very emotional with this email. I really appreciate how supportive you always are. I hope you have a nice hike this weekend.

Him: You can be both hungry and love me at the same time. They aren't mutually exclusive. I am always proud of how hard you try to be the best you that you can be and I support you when I can and try to stay out of the way if I can't help or don't understand what you need. The support works both ways which I appreciate as well. I love you and remember, mixed grill on Sunday with your choice of grilled items to eat.

Fast

So, I've decided to do a fast for the next week. As per my usual form, I read up on a few ways to do this, and came up with my own thing. It basically amounts to liquids only and the same thing every day, probably around 800 calories per day. It also means daily meditation (giving up my morning computer time wasting) and daily readings from this book.

I had Chris hide the scale, since one of my biggest concerns in doing this is that it NOT be about weight loss. That can't be what it is about. It is about clearing my head, releasing addictive patterns, and blah blah blah. So the scale is gone for this week and, just for good measure, next week as well.

Anyways, so I invented a nice ritual to start the fast, asking the universe for what I need and setting my intentions which I did this morning. My plan is to do another one a week from today to end the fast.

I plan on still exercising, but taking it way easy, so that is just not where the focus is going to be this week.

Not sure about blogging. It might be that I have great insights and amazing things that I feel I need to say, or it might be that I am just a cranky bitch for a week who avoids all contact, internet and otherwise. We'll just have to see.

Eat like crap, feel like crap

Lesson realized for the 1,437th time.

Five pounds has turned into ten pounds and I own every single one.

Exercise in general and running in particular are still fine, although slower these days, either from just feeling lazy in the hot summer or from weight gain, who knows and who cares.

Anyways, not doing particularly well but still hangin' in.

Things I Saw

In my 'burb today during my run:

1. Purple flowers everywhere

2. Two men who had clearly just woken up, wearing only shorts, stepping out to get their paper.

3. One man, fully dressed, escorting a toddler up and down the street (I see this man quite often, actually, and I always presume he is attempting to let mom sleep in, may the Goddess bless and keep him)

4. Baby bunnies everywhere, who are now fast enough to get the hell out of my way

5. One woman, pushing a double jog stroller, who passed me, which annoyed me greatly

6. My neighbor, out for his run (he always makes me kind of chuckle because he wears what I refer to in my head as "Dad shorts" because they look like the kind of old worn out shorts my dad always wore running, no matter how many new pairs he was given for various birthdays) with his dog

Other than these things, it was a pretty miserable run, with way too much of the last mile walked instead of run. But, as my awesome sister always says, it got done.

3.5

Outside. We are having some nice cool and rainy weather right now. Several parts of me have been barking all damn week, I don't know what the deal is with that, but I took three rest days this week. But it was a tough slog today.

The Macadamia Conspiracy Update

I've had two good runs outside so far this week. I've been off work, and going early in the morning before it gets too damn hot, which it does even in Denver right now. I was able to get in to see my doctor yesterday and the good news is the band is back where it is supposed to be, and I was able to get it partially filled, so hopefully I can now work a bit more effectively on shedding this stupid five pounds that has been more or less hanging around since my vacation.

As far as the stupid work situation, the replacement candy arrived while I was traveling, so I put it out on HR's stupid area counter on Friday evening. Monday I was off, but one of my employees texted me that everyone was asking about it. So, yesterday morning the admin comes to my desk and asks me if I left it and I said of course I did, who the hell else would it have been and kind of looked at her like she was crazy. And I said the candy was obviously very important. And she goes "well, you didn't have to do that, but your point was made." Whatever. So, now they have the candy down near her desk, not on the counter, so that only HR people can eat it. What a bunch of assholes.

Back to Good

I celebrated finally adjusting back to high altitude last week by going back down to low altitude this week! I have had some good runs, though. Fitness room at my hotel is pretty good, and I decided to do a time limit instead of a mileage run, so I am just running for 40 minutes and seeing how far I get, so that has changed things up just a little bit.

Anyways, my runs this week have felt good, I haven't had to talk myself into going, they were those runs where you just don't think about it much, just get into your running clothes and get it done. I like those.

And it's good I am running, since treasures abound in Lubbock.

Don't Carry It All

This song came on my ipod today while doing my cool down. It made me remember this post by Captain Awkward (I strongly recommend you go read, I read it a long time ago and it has really stuck with me, and incidentally the poem that is contained within that post was printed out by me and hangs on my "happy wall" at work to this day). And it occurred to me that the reason I felt so much better after sharing the work "incident" with a friend was that I was doing exactly what the post describes... I was letting her carry some of that burden for me.

Anyway, so I am feeling better now, but I figured I would tell what happened. And what happened was simple. The VP of Human Resources scolded me for eating candy that was sitting out in what I thought was a common area, because that candy was apparently meant only for HR employees. That is the short story. She did this in front of my own employees, with whom I was in a conference room about to start a meeting. What she literally said was "that candy was meant as a gift to HR so next time you really need to ask." When I pointed out that at the time I took the candy (three pieces) I was bantering back and forth with the Admin who sits right there, giving her every opportunity to tell me not to take it, she said "well, she said you didn't ask, and next time you need to ask."

Now, this is common in my company. Actually, I'm not sure if it is common in the whole company or just my division, and it hardly matters since the division encompasses all of my interactions at work. This sort of territorial and control bullshit is common, is what I mean. To the point that I now have a two year "out" plan at which time I will have some flexibility with my schedule (the boy will be past elementary school age and on an earlier, junior high schedule) and I will be fully vested in my 401K, thus having much more flexibility in not losing out financially for jumping companies. But that aside, what is remarkable about this encounter is that I have been working on this floor, literally not fifty feet from where this woman's office is located, for nearly a year now, and I swear this is the first time she has ever spoken with me, and seriously, the first time I have ever even seen her come out of her office! But apparently, this fucking candy was important enough to her that when she saw someone from outside her department taking it, she jumped right up to scold that person. It's completely crazy, the actions of an unbalanced and clearly incompetent person. The rational part of me knows that this clearly had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the crazy territorial control freaks that my company tends to hire and promote to positions of great authority.

But my eating disorder does not exist in the rational part of me. It exists deep down in my lizard brain. And all that part of me heard was a person in a position of authority scold me for eating candy. I may as well have been transported back to being eight years old. So then, naturally, the lizard brain rebellion begins, because nobody is telling me what the fuck to eat and when! And, also naturally, the food is comforting, the sugar literally releases chemicals making me feel better and soothed. It's the perfect storm, really. I even remember thinking in my rational brain "hm, this really might trigger something, I had better be careful" but of course, such thinking is basically powerless a lot of the time when it comes to this sort of thing.

Now, my rational brain did handle the incident perfectly well and professionally ("oh my goodness, I had no idea and I am so sorry!") and the incident itself lasted less than twenty seconds (because after all, how can you keep scolding someone who has apologized?), but the disordered eating then proceeded to last three fucking days.

I actually consider this incident kind of lucky..... most of the time when something like this is triggered, I don't even KNOW what happened to trigger it, because it runs so deep. But this time, it was very clear, which made fixing it more clear as well, and thus I think limited the scope of the damage. I'm not always that lucky or that smart.

What I have done to resolve the situation at work is to order from the great internets exact replicas of the boxes of candy that were out, which I will be putting in the exact same spot they were next week when they come in. I also made the decision to never eat one more fucking thing that exists at work, including their rotten potlucks, and their stupid monthly birthday cakes. Fuck it, I don't need this kind of stress.

And even though I am feeling better now, and the disordered eating behavior appears to have ceased, I am still going to share this with the small number of readers I have. So they can carry it for me. So I can put it down and move on.

Not doing well.....

I was doing well, and then there was an incident at work on Tuesday that put me into an eating spiral (exhibiting such fantastic behaviors as eating cold cereal after dinner, stopping at the grocery store for chocolate on my way home from work..... so awesome I haven't done those things for years!) which led to the re-gaining of the poundage I had taken off after the stupid vacation! The incident itself is not important, and in fact was fucking stupid, but I am treating myself with much compassion. I talked to my friend at work (another former big girl who is now skinnier than me, so would understand) and vocalizing what happened made me feel much better. I am hoping the cycle of disfunction can end today and I can just move on feeling good that it only lasted four days.

My running this week has been awful, starting with the fact that I have only gone twice. I plan on going to the gym today and doing the elliptical and will go again tomorrow, so four total workouts this week.

I am traveling to Texas and Oklahoma for work next week and plan to spend some time this weekend focusing on what I would like for my eating and exercise to look like during this trip. I'm feeling very vulnerable about it, since part of my tendency towards disordered eating involves eating much more when I am alone and also taking vacations from healthy eating while traveling. But I've noticed that sometimes taking some time before a long run to focus on positive thoughts and what goals I have is really helpful, so I am going to try it for eating as well.

I called my doctor on Thursday and left a message because I got the x-ray done on Tuesday that I needed so we could see where the band is and if I could start getting it filled again, but nobody called me back, and since I am traveling most of next week, I figure I'll just have to call them again when I get home.

Anyway, I read this post this morning and cried a lot. That is all.

"What's it take to get it through your thick skullsThat this ain't some bullshitPeople don't usually come back this way"
Some Bad Meets Evil for your Sunday enjoyment..... I might have the lyrics wrong, but that is how I hear them in my head.
I'm almost back to my fighting weight and did three miles on the tready today. It was HARD. The altitude has not been this difficult to adjust to since we moved here, I swear to god. Guess that's what I get for vacationing at sea level.
I made biscuits and gravy for Chris for Father's Day, but did not eat any myself. It wasn't that hard.... even though I make some seriously bad-ass biscuits and gravy, they aren't really my thing, if you know what I am saying. I also went to Costco yesterday and did not buy any treats. Also managed to avoid treats at the grocery store. And tonight Chris is saying he wants ice cream, and I am seriously thinking I am just going to get one scoop of "light" ice cream in a cup! The humanity!!!!
So, doing well for now, although every day is a battle. But, as my daughter reminded me the other day, I am stronger than the cake. Even those little mini lemon cakes that are two bites of delicious heaven.

Smacked Back to Reality

And high altitude. Tough run today, but it got done. 3.1 miles at a pace so slow it made me want to weep with frustration. I am only getting in three runs this week, and on top of the weight gain, my focus right now is on not beating myself up. Vacations happen. Small weight gains happen. Hating on yourself does not help and usually hurts, the only thing to do is just get back on track in the best way you know how and do the best you can. I know this.

Back!

Ran a few times in Hawaii, also did some other very active stuff (kayaking, snorkling, hiking, boogie boarding, etc..... I need a vacation from my vacation!) but also ate. A LOT. Food was fantastic.

Scale this morning showed about a five pound gain. Now, some of that is surely water weight, lots of plane travel yesterday, but some of it is certainly legitimate.

Now, back to the real world, counting calories and trying to take it off!

Elliptical and 5K

Only worked out four times this week, in an effort to ensure I am taking it easy and not continuing to aggravate the stupid band. I walked and did the bike, did five miles on the elliptical yesterday and finally today ran outside for the first time in a week. It was okay, I did 3.1 miles at 12:16/mile. I did 4R/1W intervals. And the good news is, my dog seems to be finally recovered from the stupid leg injury he had, and I've been taking him for very short runs for about a month or so now, but we have worked our way up to two miles, which means I no longer have to stick to the short half mile neighborhood loop, where there are tons of barking dogs that irritate the hell out of both of us. Now I can take him on the longer two mile loop, drop him off at home and then finish up on my own. It's nice to have him back, I like his company even though he slows me down a good deal. I won't let him run with Chris anymore ever, I told Chris he was banned from running with the dog. He goes too fast and is much more reluctant than I am to slow down for the dog, preferring to make the dog speed up, which is what got us into this mess, I am convinced of it. I was certainly guilty of pushing him too hard sometimes before the injury, but I am really careful about it now. And Chris is just not capable of running that slow, he just isn't. But running slow has never really been my challenge.

No blogging for a couple of weeks, we are off to Hawaii and have made a commitment to "unplug" as much as humanly possible.

Maintenance

After the Colfax, I had some heartburn. It wasn't anything too serious and I figured it was just my normal "after long run" thing, which does happen. Then on Memorial Day, I headed to the gym where I did five miles on the elliptical and about fifty or sixty crunches on this ab machine there. We then went to the pool and all was well. Until late afternoon when I really started to feel like crap. I felt lots of pressure around my abdomen, around where the lap band is, but no reflux or heartburn. I figured I had some wicked gas, ate hardly anything for dinner and went to bed. The next morning, it wasn't any better and throughout Tuesday it got worse, with pain radiating to my left shoulder and pressure so bad that I really couldn't eat anything at all and could barely drink water. In the afternoon, I called my bariatric doc and scheduled an appointment for an unfill for the next morning. But it just got worse and worse and then I started to get all paranoid wondering if I was having some kind of heart attack or blood clot in my lung, and wouldn't it be just perfect if everyone thought it was just the band acting up and meanwhile I die of something stupid like that, right?

So, Chris gets home and I am lying in bed sick as a dog, and he says we are going to the ER, which I agree to. So, we head to the ER, and we are there for the next six hours. They do an EKG (my heart is fine) and a chest x-ray to look for a clot in my lung. Then they did a CT scan to look at the band, and found that it had slipped. They called my doc, sent her the pictures, and sent me home with instruction to see her first thing the next morning. I got some nice pain medication (was in LOTS of pain until I threw up the contrast stuff they were making me drink and food from my breakfast came up, which to me said a lot about what the problem was, but after I threw up I felt much better) and was ok, knowing that I wasn't having some major crisis, although the band slipping is bad enough.

So, yesterday I go to my doc, and she looked at the pictures and had to take ALL of the fluid out of the band. We talked about the half marathons and I told her I think I should probably just stop doing them, since after every single one of them I have gotten sick with some kind of problem going on with the band. She did not disagree with me, although honestly, nobody seems to know why intense exercise affects the band in this way or if it even is what is causing the problem. I told her the only things I could point to that were different in my routine were ab crunches and that half marathon a week before.

The hope is that the band will reposition itself after having all of the fluid taken out of it, and I have to go for another chest X ray in two to three weeks to see if it has. If it has taken care of itself, then we can start filling it again. If it hasn't, we'll have to "talk about other things we can do" which I am sure means surgery.

I did immediately start feeling much better after the fluid was removed, was able to eat and drink without pain, and this morning I feel even better.

But the bad news is that any assistance the band was giving me in maintaining my weight is gone. Zero restriction.

So, I am back on My Fitness Pal, with my goals being updated to simply maintain my current weight and not gain during this time of trial (not that I have really had any kind of concrete weight loss goal for some time, but now I definitely don't).

We are going on vacation in Hawaii next week, so this really could not have come at a worse time, but Chris and I talked about splitting meals and one treat a day strategies, so hopefully things won't be too bad while we are there.

Wish me luck and friend me on My Fitness Pal (mariannapher)! I need all the support I can get!

Wall Street Guy

Chris and I pulled up to the gym parking lot this morning (it is perfectly nice out, but I decided to do the elliptical at the gym today because I am having some weird problem with my left calf, it is refusing to uncramp and feels tight all the time, since yesterday's run) and Chris goes "Wall Street is here" and he meant this guy that has been going to the gym since we have been doing there and I always refer to him as "Wall Street Guy", since what he typically did was pedal the recumbent bike slowly while reading the Wall Street Journal. But lately, I have been seeing him work quite a bit harder, walking on the treadmill at a pretty good incline.

So, I get on the elliptical and I am behind him, and as he is finishing up his workout, (which he did in his pajamas today) he lifts up the back of his shirt slightly to scratch his back, and I see that he is a tattoo on his lower back!! Some kind of Chinese symbol! And it just blew my mind.... wall street guy has a tramp stamp!!!

Anyways, that and the train with the army vehicles were the most interesting parts of the week for me. We are now getting ready to head to the pool for the first swim of the summer!

5.5

"How's that bricklayin' comin'?
How's your engine runnin'?
Is that bridge gettin' built?
Are your hands gettin' filled?"

Today I went running on the trail and on my last mile, I saw a train that was carrying a whole convoy of military vehicles headed south. There was this older couple watching it, so I stopped and watched with them. I asked the guy what it was, although I already knew. He said they were headed back to Fort Carson, likely returning from Iraq. He said he remembers standing in this same place ten years ago and watching them going the other direction.

So, I ran the last mile back to my car also remembering the last ten years. I remember attending annual war protests until they got to be too much to bear, this awful anniversary where every year the number of dead kept growing. And more years went by, and the war protests seemed to dwindle (or perhaps I, like many others, simply stopped paying as much attention, the wars being like background music in the grocery store, you hum along every once in a while, mostly not noticing) and my kids grew older and life moved on until all of the sudden you realize it has been ten goddamn years.

I remember being heartened some years back when it seemed to me that the vets of those wars were coming home and taking the war protesting into their own hands, which I believe is what turned the tide.

Anyway, hope everyone has a good Memorial Day holiday. May your barbecues be plentiful and may we all take at least a moment to be thankful that these godforsaken wars are finally coming to an end.

2:41:51

"Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive"

Every half marathon I have done has a specific song that I associate with that particular race, the song that kept me going. This time it was the old stand-by "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor, which for some reason had never made it onto my playlist before last night. I think I must have thought that there were some songs too cheesy for even me to consider, but apparently I could not be more wrong, because it was kind of awesome and got me through the last and toughest 5K of the race.

Bottom line, I did very, very well. Better than I expected. I was able to run all my run intervals (I cut only one about forty five seconds short, it was around mile 11 I think and I got a cramp that I needed to work out, I did the race in 3R/1W intervals) and for the most part keep the self talk positive. I was also able to not look at my Garmin (thus not being discouraged or pressured by what it said) and for the first time I found myself following a "pacer". I've never been fast enough at any of these for there to be a pacer actually going as slow as me, but there was a 2:45 pacer at this race. At one point I had passed him (around mile 9, probably while listening to Eye of the Tiger and feeling invincible, but then again, maybe he was just behind), but he caught up with me and I never did pass him again, but the thing was, he crossed the start line at least five minutes before I did, so I knew that as long as I had him in sight, I must be pretty darn close to my goal pace.

It seems like there was more stuff I wanted to say but I am tired now and I still need to go to the grocery store and I promised my kids (who got up at 3:15 AM and schlepped their butts down to City Park just to support me and watch me cross the finish line) ice cream some time today.

I might point out that I beat my last PR by a full 12 minutes. Sidebar updated appropriately. I might also point out that in my current state of euphoria I am totally convinced that I can do Vegas in 2:30. We'll see how long that lasts. I also feel really good about this race because I freakin' killed it, and there was no altitude advantage, I did it all on my own.

Also, I forgot to add that my bib had my name on it for this race, I've never had that before and it made me feel absurdly important as well as allowed perfect strangers on the course to cheer me on by name, which was pretty cool.

11

Got my eleven done. It went much MUCH better than last week, finished at 12:28/mile. I might not meet my time goal, but I am pretty sure I will beat my previous personal best, so that is good. The weather was much more cooperative, in fact it was kind of cold. I feel pretty good about my time because I had to stop twice, once to pee and once to poo, so what I did was for each stop, I skipped one of my walk intervals in a rather feeble attempt to make up the time. It probably helped though.

I also took some moments before starting the run to focus on what I wanted out of the run, what my goals were (to run my run intervals, to pace well, and to only have positive self talk, to not focus on time) so that was helpful as well.

There was some kind of event going on at the park, some running race, but luckily they really didn't get in my way at all, since I chose to run around the perimeter of the park (about a three mile loop) so they pretty much stayed out of my way.

It was a good run, I was feeling joyful, even on the last mile, which is really nice. Hopefully, next week's run will be as good, and even if it is not it will at least be over.

Outfit Blogging

I got this outfit at The Loft a couple of weeks ago. I'm trying to wear more dresses and skirts these days. I used to not like doing that because I have calves so big they routinely make grown men weep with envy, but they don't look so good on a woman. But these days I'm saying fuck all that shit. My calves are huge.... deal with it!

Skinny Mirror

I've been going to my gym for almost three years now. For the first two years, I believed that the mirror in the women's locker room of that gym was a "skinny mirror". I definitely looked thinner in that mirror than any other mirror, and it did not seem implausible to me that a gym would put such a mirror in the women's locker room. I used to look at myself in it and giggle a little bit and then move on with my life. I once asked Chris if they had such a mirror in the men's locker room and, after looking at me like I was sprouting a potato for a head, he said no (but he didn't even know such mirrors existed, whereas I, a veteran of weight watchers, knew good and well that such things existed).

A while back I had occasion to have both of my sisters visit my gym (at separate times, they weren't together) and I asked them both to visit the skinny mirror. My one sister decided I was completely insane and said that mirror was absolutely not a skinny mirror, and my other sister agreed that it was not a skinny mirror (although that sister seemed to have much more empathy to the fact that I might have thought it was, but this was the same sister who had to force me to go into The Loft because I was convinced I wouldn't be able to find an outfit there at a size 14, but I digress). Anyway, the point is, they both agreed that there was nothing special about that mirror, and when I went up and asked the lady who happened to be manning the front desk the day that the other sister laughed and implied I was crazy she said, after looking at me like I was sprouting a potato for a head, that she really doubted it was any kind of special or skinny mirror, although she admitted to not really knowing for sure.

So I figured, okay, I am a bit crazy. This was plausible given my history of believing I am much bigger than I actually am, so I accepted it and told the story to my third sister when she was visiting, and we both had a good laugh.

But the other day, I ran into the owner. She caught me sizing myself up in this very same mirror. So, after confirming that she was, in fact, the owner of the establishment and therefore in a position to know for sure, I asked her if the mirror was a skinny mirror.

She said it absolutely is! She said what she does is tilt the mirror upwards at the bottom (she puts like a prop behind it), and this gives the illusion of being thinner. She also said she doesn't do that in the men's room mirror because guys generally don't want to be seen as smaller, they want to be seen as bigger.

So, my question to my husband and my sisters is who is the crazy one now motherfuckers? WHO'S THE CRAZY ONE NOW!?!?!?!?!?!?

Pic taken yesterday at the gym, where I did four miles on the elliptical and some upper body weights. I am not this skinny in real life. This has been confirmed by an independent individual in a position to know for sure.

From Scratch 2, And 10 Miles

I did ten miles yesterday around City Park. I knew it wasn't going to be great when I got there and realized that an MS walk for the cure was going on. It was a very large event, like thousands of people sized event. I got there about an hour before it started. The other thing that I knew was going to be challenging right away was the heat. I was sweating before I even got started on the run. It has been unseasonably warm in Denver lately, and I am just hoping to god that it is not that hot for the race in two weeks. But the race in two weeks starts at 6AM, and I didn't get started yesterday until 8:30, so really I should have just gotten there earlier.

But at any rate, so the first seven miles went okay, but then things kind of fell apart. The MS walk actually started (prior to that they had been confined to one area of the park, and I was able to navigate through them), so there were slow walkers and wheelchairs EVERYWHERE, forcing me to run around them, walk behind them and just generally get pissed off with everyone and everything. The heat was killing me and my body just did not want to run. I downshifted to 2R/1W intervals hoping I could still keep up a halfway decent pace, but even that did not work very well. So, the last two miles were lots of walking for me so my time ended up at 13:22/mile. Oh well. At least I finished the ten miles, there were at least two separate times when I was ready to just call it off. But I knew that while I would not give myself a hard time for a bad run, if I cut it short, I would be beating up on myself all damn day, and I really didn't feel like dealing with that, so I just completed the miles, even if I was walking a good bit.

Next week I need to do eleven. I still plan on going down to City Park, but I will get there at 6:30 instead of 8:30! That way any events that are going on will be getting started after I am done and it won't be so hot. We'll see how it goes.

Then I came home and Chris made this wonderful albondigas soup and spoon bread in honor of Cinco De Mayo! All from scratch.

And here we are lovingly consuming it!!!